#these aren't easy or cheap choices to make

[nyssasorbit]

This year, we're practicing self care

someone please talk me out of going back to school for another degree in psych. I do not need to become a licensed therapist, I NEED a therapist!

[spacemonkeysalsa]

I read about an evil magistrate in another Faerûn city, a few decades after Astarion had that job in Baldur's Gate and it has me thinking about his pre-vampire days, and my irl time as a Las Vegas law clerk. A lot.

Full disclosure: I feel a little guilty that I wrote so much on this topic rather than on one of my fics.

I wrote very little in July 🫣but it's because I was drawing and reading instead.

I read 13 books, but they were the first 13 Legend of Drizzt books.

And while writing fic, I've avoid details about Astarion's background as a magistrate, for reasons I've talked about a lot before, but I might need to rethink that, because one book in the Drizzt series just gave me SO MUCH context for what the world was like around the time that Astarion would have had this job, and also, what that job was like, and how it was very effected by geography and race. And I have THOUGHTS. Thousands of words of thoughts, apparently, below the cut.

TL;DR - The popular idea that pre-Cazador Astarion is the biggest possible asshole so he "earns" his fate is boring as hell, not actually supported by canon, or the examples of magistrates that we see in FR (who don't even need to be corrupt to satisfy cruel inclinations) and I deeply prefer going in a totally different direction. Below the cut is me working through my headcanon, and why I came to these conclusions.

I tagged this appropriately I think, but to emphasize, topics of relevance include horror movie tropes, torture, the deeply flawed American justice system, and the even more deeply flawed one in Faerûn as described by the Forgotten Realms novels I've read and the mentions/demonstrations in Bladur's Gate 3.

If you feel you need to avoid thinking about all of that, you are valid, and probably more correct than me for doing so.

And as always, it's just my opinion, based on my experiences. All headcanon is equally headcanon.

To start, I'm going to briefly reiterate that:

Astarion's canon backstory is thin on purpose and that all we really know about him is that he was a magistrate with not-red eyes who made an unpopular ruling that was unpopular for an unspecified reason and got jumped by Gur for a (heavily implied to be unreliable narrator influenced) reason.

That artbook is a developmental tool that is actually less likely to ever be considered canon than even a later stage developmental tool like a full manuscript outline precisely because of its position in the process.

But, before I get into what I read in Drizzt, I want to establish that my head space started from thinking about how much sadder it is if Astarion actually did have compassionate ideals and a balanced sense of justice prior to Cazador. The reason I think it's sadder is best illustrated by the choice to either make a doomed horror movie character sympathetic or an asshole. What happens to Astarion is basically a horror show, and some people prefer those fates are reserved exclusively for asshole victims. There's reasons to write this way, and it can be done well, but it's very easy to make it feel cheap and contrived and it's usually a sign of an amateur production, and a quick way to make an accessible film rather than a good one. Another option (which can also be done well or done poorly) is to harm characters who did absolutely nothing wrong.

To be clear, whether or not we like a character doesn't affect whether or not they "deserve" death. Horror movies often deal with totally disproportionate consequences, and the gruesome fate not really being "earned" can be an inherent part of the horror regardless of our sympathy.

But, I'm not sad when the evil teenagers in Toxic Avenger are killed. I am not that sad when Jigsaw's traps prove to be too much for his chosen victims. What happens to Julia's marks in Hellraiser doesn't move me as much as what's going on with Kirsty, even if they didn't deserve it, because they aren't particularly sympathetic.

And the thing about using characters like that is that it's not realistic. And to be clear, I don't think you always have to be realistic to tell a good story, in fact, please don't always cling to realism. But realism in characterization is usually a stronger choice, and should be considered generally. Most people are not as flat and unsympathetic as the asshole victims in slasher flicks. Even people who do bad things are not so one dimensional as to instill no sympathy in irl humans. I think people like to flatten Astarion in their mind, so that they don't have to confront the fact that very bad things happen all the time, and that most people didn't do anything to earn a horrible fate.

In the specific case of what happened to Astarion, even if he was a bad person, it's very difficult to ever make 200 years of torture, the loss of autonomy, exploitation on every level, including physical, sexual and psychological abuse, ever feel proportional. So at this point, some people need something to make it seem more just. Either because they hate the character, and want to feel that hating the character is objectively correct, or their worldview includes an idea of justice that can't accept such disproportionality.

And if you need that for your headcanon, dope. you're allowed whatever headcanon you want.

The "corrupt magistrate" thing isn't canon. It's headcanon. I understand that some people who really seem to know what they are talking about said it was canon, that's because they are wrong. People are wrong sometimes.

I recently became aware that although I thought we were all playing the same game, a bunch of players have never seen what I've seen, because it's all missable content. And, because everyone knows there's a bunch of stuff they haven't seen, it's real easy to just believe any random person on the internet who tells you something is buried deep in the game that you don't know about.

This specific situation with Astarion's canon backstory is that you'll never find much in the game, no matter how much you play, because there's nothing to find. Here's the facts: -There was never anything about Astarion being corrupt in the game, in early access, or in any of the writing that made it to recording. It was an idea that was discussed very early on---like back when we almost had a werewolf companion, (RIP Helia, you would've loved what I put you through) and they went in a totally different direction. Essentially, just imagine what they ultimately ended up doing with Gortash, and know that they were thinking about doing something similar with Astarion, but a long, long time ago.

-In the game, he'll lie and tell you he's a magistrate in Baldur's Gate and that it's tedious.

-Or, if you wait to ask him about himself until after you know he's a vampire, he'll tell you he was a magistrate, punishing troublemakers.

-Backstory complete!

-Art books are great, and beautiful, and it's baffling to me to see fans treat them like canon content, because if anything, they demonstrate various attempts to put together a story that ultimately didn't land for the creators. I love using materials like this when I write, I create character sheets and artbooks for my work all the time, and part of their charm is the features that didn't make it into the final work. Minthara is no longer an elven cleric, Shadowheart isn't covered in tattoos, and Astarion isn't one of corrupt elite of Baldur's Gate, or even elite, or a courtesan. Stop bringing up the artbook, you're embarrassing yourselves.

-There's actual explicit dialogue in game in which Astarion says he doesn't remember much from before he was turned. He says the person he was is gone, nothing left but a name on a rock. That's what's intentionally in the game. I think this is brilliant, because I think his character represents loss in a really poignant way, and that if they included anything too detailed about who he was before he got turned, that would undermine this theme, in a way that's especially unnecessary. It's better to keep it purposefully blank. A void of nothing. I'm actually really surprised that they didn't do this for Shadowheart, given that she's a Sharran, but in her story, we actually see a really nice counterexample: she does recall small details about her time in the city. Coming back there triggers memories and if you find all three of them---[spoiler deleted, please message me if you want to know about this, I've been informed I shouldn't just shout this out, because some people like to discover this stuff on their own. But also I'm not a gatekeeper, if you really want to know, I'm happy to tell you]. There's none of that for Astarion, in fact, if you go to the cemetery looking for his grave, which is something I think a lot of us did, you won't find any mention of him anywhere, but you will find one of those Shadowheart memories if she's with you. You only get to see Astarion's grave briefly, if you're romancing him, and even then, he once again takes the opportunity to talk about the person he once was truly is lost to him (and to us) and gone forever, long before we ever had the chance to know him.

It's tragic, and kind of perfect.

And in the meta of all this, it's intentional that we'll never known him. We might think we do, but we literally can't, because it's not in the story.

Which is good because it would ruin the scene a bit if he'd been like "btw I was a real piece of shit lmao." Just like it kind of ruins the affect of the empty backstory to go ahead and add a backstory.

But. We're curious, we speculate, and we expand, that's what fanfiction is for—it exists outside of the canon. I usually write post-canon, canon-consistent content, but there's a possibility I'll need to add a few scenes from Astarion's mortal life in this one fic—maybe not, idk—but in preparation for maybe doing that (or not), I had considered working through what I think his life was life before he was turned, and the events leading up to Cazador capturing him. I wasn't sold on the idea, but I was thinking about it.

And, then I started reading Spine of The World, which features an actual magistrate from DR 1365. This one is um. Corrupt. Or, at least, we would consider him to be corrupt? He's actually doing his job perfectly according to the very messed up justice system in Luskan, where he works. They don't have a concept of burden of proof there, or of innocence at all after you manage to get yourself arrested, and instead essentially just torture people to death publicly and explicitly for entertainment. It's not chill. It's not subtle. They call it Prisoner's Carnival.

This magistrate has Astarion's exact job, in a different city and a few decades later (and those differences matter, we'll get to it) but the important features are the same. So, here's some things to note: being a magistrate is a position of limited power, you have total discretion over the prisoners given to you for punishment (minus a few notable exceptions that come up in Spine of The World), but that's it. It's not like an influential political position of respect or anything. It can't be, because they are beholden to laws they can't change, and cultural traditions that are non-negotiable parts of the community.

This guy is referred to multiple times are a carnival barker. And there's loads of magistrates, they all have different reputations and and ymmv on how sadistic they individually are in Luskan. In a later book, when this particular magistrate is brought up again to another magistrate in Luskan, it's clear that the carnival barker thing isn't entirely universal and that he's considered one of the really bad ones, but regardless, they all acknowledge that what he does is legal and "serves a purpose" and they all direct and orchestrate the torture and slaughter of prisoners, and they all admit that many of them are probably innocent. The magistrates, and more importantly, the people in charge of them, maintain the necessity of the system, and the fear it instils to keep troublemakers in line.

One of the more reasonable and intelligent wizards in the series (a guy called Robillard who I can't help but envision as Gale of Waterdeep, because almost everything he does and says makes him sound like Gale of Waterdeep) shocks Drizzt by defending this system of justice very passionately.

Actually, Drizzt's thoughts in general about the Prisoner's Carnival are S-tier Drizzt musings, I love a man who keeps a journal. Likes cats too. Drizzt is lovely.

Drizzt also notes that this is a popular system in human societies specifically. Other races don't go in for it so much, and tend not to participate unless it's as... um... you know... as the prisoners being tortured. I think it's interesting that he mentions that elves in particular (in his experience) are universally disgusted by it. It's also explicitly stated that Baldur's Gate is different, and a much preferrable place to get tried by a magistrate. That isn't in his journal entry though, that's earlier in the novel. A moment of foreshadowing.

The whole world is brutal, but Baldur's Gate is a bit more modern and open to change than other places. That's probably one reason it keeps getting featured and mentioned even though we've barely spent any time there in Drizzt's series so far. It's a bit more relatable a place to actually live in long term than somewhere like Luskan, where you may have to seek out real estate that's far enough away from the square that you're not constantly hearing the death screams of someone being drawn and quartered in front of a cheering crowd. So that's the basics of it, and getting back to Astarion and the backstory that I would personally novelize for him, we have options:

If I'm going to try to fit this into the context that I now have though, it's important to keep in mind that 1) Baldur's Gate is considered one of the "nicer" places to be tried and 2) culturally, elves don't go in for cruelty, especially not as systemic "justice." None of this has to apply to Astarion, but if I'm writing it, I'm not going to ignore this cultural context. At a minimum, I'm going to say that appointing an elf as a magistrate in a city that's known for being more progressively compassionate about their treatment of prisoners was probably pointed on the part of tptb. Baldur's Gate wanted him to set an example for these bloodthirsty humans about mercy and justice and the balance between them. Racism dictates that you don't go to a human for that. They're carnival barkers. If you want a more compassionate magistrate, appoint an elf. And from there, we get to decide whether or not Astarion met their expectations, or if he defied them. Because maybe he was an asshole. Maybe he was just as bad as his human magistrate counterparts. That's not outside the realm of possibility at all, there's an argument to be made that we write him as a counterweight to the stereotype. Astarion is written to be capable of anything, so you can literally go in any direction with his disposition.

But, considering how Cazador rages that he "made" Astarion, and Astarion doesn't even argue with that sentiment. I think it's more likely (and loads sadder) if this unmaking and making included a complete and total overhaul of Astarion entire sense of justice. I actually think the harsh sentiments that Astarion expresses at the tribunal in Ansur's trials are a really good example of the flickers of Cazador and the person he twisted Astarion into, than they would ever be indicative of who he was before getting turned.

That guy's gone, remember?

And if it's not obvious, I'm going in that direction with my fanfic. I'm going to say he actually thought he could help his community. He studied. He got this civil servant position. It was a bit disillusioning. It's better in Baldur's Gate than in other places, but the system itself is cruel, and he's rewarded for being cruel within it. It doesn't even matter that he originally got the job because they hoped he would be a compassionate elf judge amongst bloodthirsty humans, once he's actually in position, it's all about maintaining the status quo. That's what they actually want from him, in spite of their "progressive" leanings.

If anything, he's getting in trouble, and getting noticed by not quite being status quo. A soft-hearted elf, letting his charges get away with all kinds of mischief. I'd write him this way, because I think it then easily follows that Cazador takes note of him and targets him, precisely because he's too merciful. It's annoying.

And, little bit about me, I'm an attorney, and early on, during and right after law school I worked for a few judges.

If Faerûn is anything like the USA I figure that after a few years he has figured out that being a magistrate only gives him a limited amount of discretion and authority over the specific individuals who are brought before him.

It's really legislation that makes a difference and he is specifically forbidden from that. He rules from the bench, and hopes that if he's consistent and fair, and if nothing disastrous results from his rulings, (and if he doesn't get reversed too often, idk if that's a thing in Faerûn but it's a thing in America) then maybe he could eventually influence those who do legislate, but like, that's not his job. And it's going to take a long time because most of it's quite tedious and people don't pay attention unless it's someone they care about standing before him. Nobody cares about the vast majority of these people. His job is to stare at "troublemakers" who have supposedly broken the law, hear witnesses and confessions and denials and lies and decide what the truth is, and decide what's fair.

And it's emotionally heavy work. A lot of people describe being a magistrate as a political position, and that's not incorrect, but there's a valley of difference between Astarion's very hands on job, and what Gortash/Duke Ravenguard do. You are beholden to powerful politicians (like actual politicians) with a lot more influence who figured all this out long before they made the mistake of having ideals or believing in anything, or taking a job in which they would have to a) actually work with people to probable burnout and b) inevitably make a lot of people very angry regardless of what they did.

But, Astarion is still young, he's still got energy, he's not lost himself yet, he thinks he can handle this responsibility and he's wrong.

One day, someone is brought before him. This person is Gur and has supposedly broken the law. Other Gur are upset about the way Astarion ruled. He was way too harsh, or maybe he wasn't.

Quick sidebar: in court, I have watched people literally receive the death sentence and have zero reaction. Same with life w/o parole and other life ruining sentences. In my experience, what triggers an emotional reaction and anger targeted at a judge isn't the severity of the sentence, it's how the severity of the sentence stacks up against their expectations. The defendants (or their families, with proxy outrage) who get really angry, who try to attack the judge, or the ones who are so disruptive that we have to call it and go wait in the hallway while the baliffs calm things down, all have one thing in common: they legitimately thought they were going to just be sent home. They didn't think they were going to be held at all. For that reason, I actually saw a lot more rage from people who had committed minor offenses, because they didn't think what they had done was that big a deal, showed no remorse, ignored their atty, made no effort to express any respect for the law, or any victims, and then when the judge just decides to go with whatever the statute says, in light if zero mitigating factors, the defendant hears "60 days" for the very first time and assumes that the judge just made that up and hates them.

And like, I know it's fiction, and I'm speaking on a very niche experience that most people can't relate to. It's unlikely the writers had anything (let alone realism) in mind at all when they decided to be as vague as possible in the details about a character who embodies "loss" as a concept. I think they were vague because of the theme of loss. I think they were vague because of the theme of loss. I think they were vague because of the theme of loss. I think they were vague because of the theme of loss. I think they were vague because of the theme of loss.

But this sidebar is just to explain why whenever someone says "well he got beat to death for it so his ruling must've been racist and harsh" my knee jerk response is "not necessarily."

And sidebar within the sidebar: if I was going to fully novelize the story, I would actually go in the direction of having the ruling in question be uncommonly fair. I might hint at some racism though—nobody really talks about it below the surface level obvious stuff that's in the game, and part of that is because information about the Gur as a people isn't super accessible. But there is information, and synthesized: racism against the Gur seems pretty standard, especially for an elf who has had it up to here with human bullshit generally. Especially during that time period. He probably didn't have a good opinion of the Gur in life.

But, I have to assume that his animosity towards the Gur that we see in the game was at least affected by the fact that they beat him to death, and then, he spent two centuries as an undead being that they kill on sight with absolutely no justification needed. Like. I don't think it's wild to suggest that. I'm actually very confused by how much people push back on the idea that this could be responsible for his attitude, in part. And that's as far as I have combed through all this so far. Idk how much of it will end up in fic, but it's my personal headcanon now.

I love horror movies. I have watched so many of them it's embarrassing. My letterboxd is embarrassing. I do love several horror movies that feature asshole victims, but as I look at my very favorites, I'm noticing a pattern. I like to feel hurt. I like it when a movie doesn't shy away from dealing out universal, apathetic and disproportionate punishment to everyone. I can't think of anything quite so sad as seeing a perfectly normal, maybe even morally progressive person with their whole life ahead of them, and choosing to unmake them and twist them into a broken puppet in your own image. Sparing/saving no one and nothing in the process. Just make them lose everything, including their entire sense of who they are.

So, I'm going to hurt my own feelings with my Astarion headcanon.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Tabs give me superpowers

Berliners: Otherland has added a second date (Jan 28) for my book-talk after the first one sold out - book now!

"Lifehacking" is in pretty bad odor these days, and with good reason: a once-useful catch-all for describing how to make things easier has become a pit of productivity porn, grifter hustling, and anodyne advice wreathed in superlatives and transformed into SEO-compliant listicles.

But I was there when lifehacking was born, and I'm here to tell you, it wasn't always thus. Lifehacking attained liftoff exactly 19 years and 348 days ago, on Feb 11, 2004, when Danny O'Brien presented "Life Hacks: Tech Secrets of Overprolific Alpha Geeks" at the 0'Reilly Emerging Technology Conference (aka ETCON). I was there, and I took notes:

https://craphound.com/lifehacksetcon04.txt

O'Brien's inspiration was his social circle, in which people he knew to be no smarter or better or motivated than anyone else in that group were somehow able to do much more than their peers, in some specific domain. O'Brien delved deeply into these peoples' lives and discovered that each of them had merely ("merely!") gotten very good at using one or two tools to automate things that would otherwise take up a lot of their time.

These "hacks" freed up their practitioners to focus on things that mattered more to them. They accomplished the goal set out in David Allen's Getting Things Done: to make a conscious choice about which things you are going to fail to do today, rather than defaulting to doing the things that are easy and trivial, at the expense of the things that matter, but are more complicated:

https://gettingthingsdone.com/what-is-gtd/

One trait all those lifehacks shared: everyone who created a little hack was faintly embarrassed by it, and assumed that others who learned about their tricks would find them trivial or foolish. O'Brien changed the world by showing that other people were, in fact, delighted and excited to learn about their peers' cool little tricks.

(Unfortunately, this eventually opened the floodgates of overheated posts about some miraculous hack that turned out to indeed be silly and trivial or even actively bad, but that wasn't O'Brien's fault!)

I'm one of those people whom others perceive as very "productive." There are some objective metrics on which this is true: I wrote nine books during lockdown, for example. Like the lifehackers O'Brien documented in 2004, I have lots of little hacks that aren't merely a way of getting more done – they're a way to make sure that I get the stuff that matters to me (taking care of my family and my health, and writing books) done.

A lot of these lifehacks boil down to making your life easier. There's a spot on our kitchen counter where I put e-waste. Whenever I go out to the car, I carry any e-waste out and put it in a bag in the trunk. Any time I'm near our city dump, I stop and throw the bag into their e-waste bin. This is now a habit, and habits are things you get for free: I spend zero time thinking about e-waste, which means I have more time to think about things that matter (and our e-waste still ends up in the right place).

There's other ways I use habits to make my life easier: after many years, I learned how to write every day:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/22/walking-the-plank/

For longer-form works like novels, I "leave myself a rough edge," finishing the day's work in the middle of a sentence. That way I get a few words for free the next day, meaning I never start the day's work wondering which words I'll type:

https://locusmag.com/2014/01/cory-doctorow-cheap-writing-tricks/

One of the most powerful habits I've cultivated is to have a group of daily tabs that I open in a new browser every morning. The meat of this tab group is websites I want to check in with every day, either because they don't have RSS feeds, or because I want to make sure I never miss an update.

This tab-group habit started before RSS was widespread, when most of the websites I wanted to check in on every day didn't have feeds yet, and for many years, this group was just a set of daily reads. But over the years, I started throwing things in the tab-group that I needed to stay on top of.

My daily tabs are in a folder called "unfucked rota" (they were originally in a folder called "rota," which got corrupted and had to be reconstructed in a folder I called "fucked rota," until I finally took a couple hours off and got it in good running order, hence "unfucked rota"). As I type this, "unfucked rota" contains more than a hundred websites I visit every morning, but it also contains:

The edit-history pages for four Wikipedia entries I'm watching;

Chronological feeds of my books on Amazon and Audible, to catch counterfeits as they are posted;

The parent notification portal for my kid's school;

The mileage history for the airline I flew on yesterday (I'll delete this once the flight is posted);

The credit card history for a card I reported a fraudulent charge on (I'll delete this once the refund is posted);

The sell-pages for three products that are out of stock (I'll delete these once the products are in stock and ordered);

A bookmarked newest-first Ebay search for a shirt I like that has been discontinued by the manufacturer;

The new-survey-completed pages for my last two Kickstarters;

The courier tracking page for an item being shipped sea-freight to me from Asia.

The tail end of this unfucked rota changes all the time, but as you can tell, it's got a lot of stuff that would be time-consuming to build a whole new system to track, but which has a web-page that can be easily added to a daily, habitual check-in and then removed when it's not relevant anymore.

Some of these things have email notifiers or RSS feeds, but those are too easy to lose in the noise. I generally delete email from ecommerce sites unread, since 99.99% of the messages they send me are unsolicited marketing nonsense, not the "notify me when this is back in stock" message I do want to see (same goes for my kid's school, which sends me fifty unimportant messages for every message that I must reply to).

Most of the internet is still on the web, which means it can be bookmarked, which means that it takes me one second to add it to the group of things I'm staying on top of, and one second to remove from that group. I get up in the morning, middle-click the "unfucked rota" item in my bookmarks pane, make a cup of coffee, and then sit down and race through those tabs, close-close-close.

It takes less than a second to scan a tab to see if it's changed (and if I close a tab too quickly, the ctrl-shift-T "unclose" shortcut is there in muscle-memory, another habit). The whole process takes between one and 15 minutes (depending on whether there's anything useful and new in one of those tabs).

Tabs, like lifehacks, are also in bad odor. Everyone stresses about how many tabs they have open. It's even inspired Rusty Foster's excellent newsletter, Today In Tabs:

https://www.todayintabs.com/

But this is a very different way to think about tabs. Rather than opening a window full of tabs that need your detailed, once-off attention later, this method is about using groups of tabs so that you can pay cursory, frequent attention to them.

In a world full of administrative burdens, where firms and institutions play the "sure, we'll do that, but you're going to have to track our progress" game to get out of living up to their obligations, this method is a powerful countermeasure:

https://memex.craphound.com/2015/02/02/david-graebers-the-utopia-of-rules-on-technology-stupidity-and-the-secret-joys-of-bureaucracy/

My little tab habit is so incredibly useful, such a powerful way to seize back time and power from powerful actors who impose burdens on me, that I sometimes forget how, for other people, tabs are a symptom of a life that's spiraling out of control. For me, a couple hundred tabs are a symbol of a couple hundred tasks that I'm totally on top of, a symbol of control wrestled back from others who are hostile to my interests.

This isn't how tabs were "meant" to be used, of course. It's an example of the kind of "innovation" that comes from users repurposing things in ways their designers didn't necessarily anticipate or intend.

This is what Jonathan Zittrain meant by "generative" technology back in 2008, when he published his incredibly prescient The Future of the Internet: And How To Stop It:

https://memex.craphound.com/2008/07/22/zittrains-the-future-of-the-internet-how-to-save-the-internet-from-the-internet/

For Zittrain, "generativity" was the property of some technologies that let its users generate new, useful tools and solutions for themselves (this is very different from "generative AI!")

Zittrain described how "curated" computing systems, like mobile devices that relied on apps that couldn't be adapted by their users, were dead ends for generativity. 15 years later, the dismal world of apps has proven him right:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/24/everything-not-mandatory/#is-prohibited

To the extent that "lifehacking" is about doing more, rather than being more deliberate about what you accomplish, it can be harmful. I am not immune to the failure modes of lifehacking:

https://locusmag.com/2017/11/cory-doctorow-how-to-do-everything-lifehacking-considered-harmful/

But overall, using tabs as something I close, rather than something I open, is a source of comfort and calm for me. For one thing, ripping through a group of tabs every morning means that I don't have to worry about missing something if I go too fast. I'll get another chance tomorrow:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/05/27/probably/

Decades ago, Dori Smith dubbed her pioneering blog her "#Backup Brain":

https://web.archive.org/web/20020120231027/http://www.backupbrain.com/

At their best, our systems – be they physical, like a spot on the counter where the e-waste goes, or digital, like a tab-group – are "congitive prostheses." They allow us to move important things from the highly contested, busy and precious space between our ears and out there into the world:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/05/09/the-memex-method/

Like those lifehackers that O'Brien studied for his presentation in 2004, I confess to feeling a little silly about telling you all about this. For me, this habit of decades is so ingrained that it feels trivial and obvious. And yet, when I look at people in my life struggling to stay on top of a million nagging administrative tasks that could be easily watched through a morning's flick through a tab-group, I can't help but think that maybe some of you will find a useful idea or two in my unfucked rota.

I'm Kickstarting the audiobook for The Bezzle, the sequel to Red Team Blues, narrated by @wilwheaton! You can pre-order the audiobook and ebook, DRM free, as well as the hardcover, signed or unsigned. There's also bundles with Red Team Blues in ebook, audio or paperback.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/25/today-in-tabs/#unfucked-rota

[mae-gi-writes]

sweet like nectar | hyunjae . theboyz | (2)

"Run, run, baby, where I go? Closer and closer to you I'm addicted, I'm addicted to you" - NECTAR, THE BOYZ

In which you and Hyunjae only have 24 hours to enjoy life before it's time to grow up and go your separate ways.

Genre: fluff, a bit of angst, slowburn! teasing!Hyunjae. friend!Hyunjae, friends-to-lovers, idiots-to-lovers au.

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------- part one | part two -------

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"Hot chocolate is a must."

"You and your hot chocolate," you rolled your eyes as you moved from the t-shirts section to the next. There didn't seem to be many options for men in this shop and you were slowly getting frustrated with the lack of choice given to you. That, or nothing seemed to suit your liking, "it's not even that good. It's just cheap choco mix and sugar."

Hyunjae hummed on the other side of the receiver, "that's the best. All that bad chemical stuff."

You pulled a face, "yuck. Help me choose a t-shirt."

You pulled your phone away from your ear, pressing down onto the video option until Hyunjae's face popped up on the screen. As usual, your heart did a mini flip inside your chest at the sight of your best friend, looking all fluffy and clean, wrapped up in his blankets as though he'd just woken up.

A small smile pulled at your mouth, "were you just napping?"

"As a matter of fact, I was."

"Lazy ass," you tsked, "aren't you supposed to be on shift today?"

"Got Kevin to replace me. I've been working extra shifts these past two weeks so--" he let out a soft yawn and rubbed at his eyes, the sight so adorable it made your heart melt into soft butter, "anyway, what do you need help with?"

"Choosing a shirt," you placed the two options on a nearby counter, "what do you think? White or red?"

"Depends. Who's it for?"

You snorted, "you, obviously."

"Ah then that's simple. Buy both."

"Hyunjae."

He giggled to himself, "I'm pretty, like you said, so anything will go--"

"Hyunjae."

"Well tell me who it's for and I'll be of more help."

"I just told you," you hoped your cheeks weren't as red as you felt they were. It was bad enough that none of you was brave enough to talk about the 'moment' you'd shared in the airport the other day. Was it weird to be buying a t-shirt for him when he was nothing but a friend? But it was a friendly gift though, wasn't it? Hyunjae blinked at you. Then, he straigtened slowly so that he was leaning onto his elbow instead, "what--is it for me?"

"Yes, like I said. So choose."

"Is that your way of saying that you're thinking of me?" a grin broke across his face, "aw look at you, being so cute and everything--"

"Shut up or I'll just put both back," you were already making a grab for the t-shirts when he yelled out, "wait! Alright alright. I'll tell you, just show me."

It had been a few months since you'd moved back to Seoul, and to say that you were happy was wrong. You weren't happy. Yes, it was your motherland. Yes, you were back with your family and was surrounded by people that seemed to love and genuinely care for you. But did that replace whatever freedom you had back in London? Did that make you miss the city of history and the adventures you could have in such a place filled with art and creations and leisure and just about anything you could think of? Yes. You missed it.

You missed London like you would miss a limb. It was part of you. Had been for four years, and would not be so easy to erase.

Since then, you'd kept in touch with Hyunjae as best as you could. But the time difference was not favorable and so more often than not you would miss each other. But he made up for it by sending you frequent messages, always asking about how you were doing and what were the major updates. You knew that he was now working at a famous audit firm as a junior, and that his working hours made that he barely had any free time. But still despite it all, he made the time to call you, even if it was just for five minutes.

You were grateful for that. For even that tiny moment where you had him all to yourself.

"The red one," Hyunjae's voice brought you back to reality. He seemed awfully invested in choosing the right color, "and it's Christmas, so it's two birds with one stone."

"True," you made a grab for the red t-shirt, "fine then. Thanks your highness, you may leave now."

"Pushing me away so soon huh? I barely spoke to you for five minutes," he whined as you made your way to the front desk. That caused you to scowl down at your phone, "well, I'm sorry that I'm busy. If you forget, Seoul's known for the amazing family time during Christmas, so pardon me if I have to run errands for my mom because she wants to invite the entire family over."

"You're so salty. All that because I'm not there."

"Don't kid yourself," you grinned down at your phone, "you're not that important."

"Hey, rude!"

Laughter bubbled up your chest and soon enough Hyunjae joined in. You probably looked like a crazy person to all the other sales shoppers but you didn't care. Not when Hyunjae was concerned.

When he was here, you felt whole. When he was here, you felt like you could do anything in this world.

Your conversation carried on until you reached the nearby bus station, with him telling you all about his newest job and how he was struggling to keep a healthy routine despite his horrible work hours. Your heart tugged in pain, sympathy filling you as he told you stories of how sometimes he'd return home at night without even the memory that he'd made it back. That sometimes he was so tired that he forgot to eat dinner. Worry bloomed through your chest at that and you chided that he needed to eat well to be able to work well, that these things were mutually exclusive.

"I know but it's hard when they expect you to be at the office at nine in the morning until three," he paused and added after some thought,"-- in the morning,"

"Do you get paid overtime for that?"

"Yeah but like--it's peanuts."

Spotting the bus as it made it's way over to your station, you looked back down at your phone, "I'll have to go soon. The bus is here."

Something that looked like disappointment flashed across his face, but it disappeared so quick that it might've been just a figment of your imagination, "I'll talk to you later?" he asked.

"Yeah," you nodded and sent him a quick smile, "yeah. No problem."

You kept your smile in place just until the call ended. Then your face dropped and you let out a sigh, glancing up at the grey sky and trying not to let your tears crawl up the back of your throat.

You missed him. You missed him so much that going a day without hearing his voice felt like a week. No, a month.

You were so down bad for him that it was pathetic, really.

Especially when you knew that he'd never be yours.

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Christmas season was creeping up on you faster than you'd imagined. It kept you busy throughout the days where you had nothing else to do but lounge around the house in hopes of finding a suitable job. It seemed that Seoul wasn't friendly to female engineers, especially ones that had freshly graduated from University. And so you were still on the waiting list to be interviewed.

It was Christmas eve and your family had some of your aunts and uncles over for the occasion. Everyone had to be dressed in white or red, and you were busy bustling around in the kitchen, helping in any way you could, when the doorbell rang.

"Y/N! Could you get that honey?!" Your dad's voice echoed from the small tiny kitchenette where he was busy roasting some pork pieces.

"On it!" you yelled back. Wiping your hands onto the kitchen towel hanging by the sink, you quickly maneuvered through the already-packed kitchen to unlock the door.

"Hi! Can I take your stuff--"

The words died on your lips the moment you spotted a pair of familiar brown eyes. Ones that haunted you in your sleep.

You weren't quite sure what happened next.

One minute you were gawking at none other than Hyunjae who was standing before you in the flesh.

"Wha...." the words got all jumbled together and didn't make it past your mouth," wha--what are you--I--uhm--"

And the next, you were enveloped in his arms.

In Hyunjae's arms, to be more exact.

He smelled like home. Like diving headfirst into the comforts of your blankets once you got back home after a long tiring day. He smelled sweet and musky and woody all at the same time and it enveloped your senses, drugged you, made you want more. More. Just more of him. More of everything.

Before you knew it, your hands had flown up to grasp at his coat, pulled him so tightly against you that you swore you could've ripped the fabric right off him.

You felt his chuckle against the side of your head, the warmth of his breath enough to make you look up at him, at the beautiful crinkle of his eyes as he grinned down at you. His arms held you in place at your waist. Gentle. Yet firm.

"What--" your throat felt clogged with emotion, thick with tears that you blinked away, "what--are you doing here?"

"What does it look like?" Hyunjae's grin widened, "merry Christmas."

It turned out that your entire family knew about his surprise visit, his mother even making arrangements so that Hyunjae could stay over that night and not have to drive back home in the dark after midnight. They ushered him in without a flicker of a doubt, your heart swelling at the way your parents seemed to flock over him like protective hens and kept him busy by asking all kinds of questions that would've made you run without a doubt with your tail between your legs.

Hyunjae, granted, seemed disposed to entertain their military interview, even going as far as to share a whisky on the rocks with your father as the rest of the women set up the dining table.

"So is he your boyfriend?" one of your cousins nudged your elbow, her eyebrows shooting up suggestively as you flushed deep red.

"No no, nothing like that," you stammered out, hoping that Hyunjae wasn't in proximity to hear of all these stupid, baseless rumours. That was how it always had been whenever a new member was introduced to the family. Gossip spread like wildfire, "he's just a friend."

"Just a friend you say? That comes over to visit on Christmas eve?" your cousin wrinkled her nose, "seems very unlikely."

She shot you a look that weighed a ton and sashayed away, unknowingly as your face burst into flames.

Did they really have to embarrass you like this? Couldn't it wait until tomorrow when he was gone?

"We've heard so much about you from Y/N, I feel like we know you all too well already," your mother gushed when the family was finally seated at the dinner table.

Hyunjae let out a laugh before he shook his head, "hope she hasn't been saying all that bad stuff about me."

"There is only bad stuff to say," You answered flatly. That earned you a whack on the arm from the latter, but you couldn't but grin despite it all. Hyujae was here, in the flesh, celebrating Christmas Eve with you.

Everything seemed like out of a fairytale.

The dinner was nice enough, with you and Hyunjae able to steal a few bits and pieces of conversation for your own amidst the dizzying flow of questions sent your way. You took note of his closeness the more the night evolved, his shoulder pressing onto your own and the way his hand would brush over yours multiple times below the table. It had your cheeks pinking with colour, though you hoped that your face gave nothing away and was more than glad when the cleaning up came about and you had an excuse to slip away from him.

All plates washed and the entire family now retreating to their own activities, you and Hyunjae managed to slip outside the back porch to enjoy the flurry of snowflakes descending upon Seoul like a gift. It wasn't everyday that you got to experience Winter in white, even after all these years. It was a miracle, a blessing. Even.

"Your family's really cool," was the first thing that came out of his mouth when you stepped out into the cold.

You buried your face into the puff material of your coat, and breathed in the freezing winter air, "yeah. They're...an interesting bunch."

"Way more interesting than my family."

Taking a seat on a bench right along the corner of the deck, you motioned for him to do the same, "your family's just small. That must be why you're not big on holidays."

Hyunjae's family consisted of him, his mother, and his two older sisters. Both which had gotten married a few years apart and now celebrated with the other sides of their families. Hyunjae's mother was content with that, for his was still an active air-hostess that flew around the world for a living.

That was probably how Hyunjae had managed to jump on a flight last minute. Which was why you asked, "how come you decided to come all the way to Seoul?"

"Why do you think?" he nudged your shoulder with a grin, "to spend time with your family? Not that I dislike them. They're great."

"What about Jinhee?"

"She's gone to visit her family in LA," he shrugged, "so I would've been alone anyway."

"And your mum?"

"Mum's halfway across Canada as we speak," he leaned back and once again, you felt the warmth of his shoulder brush yours. You weren't sure whether to lean away or press even more to him. It was tempting, considering the cold weather, "she said she's traveling to New York in a few days. It's her busy month."

"I bet," you spared him a glance, noticed he'd cut his hair just before coming. His side profile, paired with the falling snow in the background, made for a very picturesque moment, "do you miss her?"

"I should miss her," Hyunjae leaned into you, maybe unconsciously. It made your heart skip a beat, "but I think i'm kinda used to it now, her traveling, me doing my own thing," his eyes met yours, "I think I prefer it this way."

Maybe it was the cold that didn't make you pull away when you felt the warmth of his body coating your side. Maybe it was the fact that you couldn't, for the love of god, tears yourself away from his eyes no matter how much you tried. They were intense, like molten lava on this cold night, mesmerizing. It made you short of breath, made your chest tighten with all the unresolved feelings that suddenly came flooding back.

You were so deep in thought you hadn't realized how close you'd gotten to each other until your noses brushed.

Yelping, you jumped back in shock and turned away, rubbing at your face in the process, "sorry," you tried to laugh it off, though it sounded choked up, "should we--uhm--head back? it's getting late--"

"Awww but I really wanted to play in the snow," came Hyunjae's whine.

"You're so dramatic," you said flatly.

"Yes, hence the reason you love me," he wriggled his tongue at you and before you could make any kind of comeback -- or get your head out of the gutter for that matter -- he sprung up from his seat, grabbed your hand, and practically jerked you to the garden.

"Come on!" he yelled against the muffled silence of snowflakes, "let's see who can make the biggest snowman!"

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"I won, fair and square."

"No, I won."

"Hyunjae, your snowman was barely over a foot tall."

His pout deepened, arms crossing over his body as he watched you fuss over the spare blankets and mattress hidden within the depths of your wardrobe, "that's because you took most of my snow, it's not fair--"

"There was snow everywhere!"

"Still! You know you're better at art. You have an advantage."

"It was your idea to build snowmen, now stop sulking and help me put your bed together."

Your best friend let out a loud huff like an overdramatic cat before grabbing onto the other end of the bedspread to help you set up his sleeping space.

"There, that's better," you nodded at him, "you can use the washroom first. It's the first door to the right."

While Hyunjae was out, you took this chance to quickly change out of your dinner clothes to slip on your pj's. Nothing fancy, just a huge-ass t-shirt that went down to your mid-thigh and some cotton shorts. Delving into your drawer of long socks, you were about to pull them on just as the door swiveled open to reveal your best friend.

But not just your best friend. Your very--very naked, from the chest up-- best friend.

You made a sound between a scoff and a strangle, "have you been walking like this around my house?"

"It's just my chest," Hyunjae frowned as he stepped in, a towel slung around his shoulder like he'd just taken a shower, "nothing that girls haven't seen before."

God. His chest. You'd seen Hyunjae's bare chest a couple of times but never actually had time to analyze it. Having never seen it so upclose up till now. He was lean, but with the kind of muscle that corded through his body in suggestion that he was fit and knew how to take care of himself.

It was attractive. It was tempting. It made your blood boil and your heart almost give out.

Quickly averting your eyes and turning your body away, "whatever," you mumbled and quickly maneuvered yourself out of the room, "just please wear a t-shirt if you're gonna go out in the hallway."

Scrambling to the bathroom like your life depended on it, you barely managed to shut the door before you pressed your back against it, a small breath escaping your lips as you looked up at the ceiling.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

You were so done. You could feel the heat in your cheeks, traveling all the way to the back of your neck.

Did he know how much of an effect he had on you?

Clearly it didn't seem like he cared all that much, and that made you sick in the stomach.

Because you were in love with him.

The realization caused a ragged breath to escape. You were in love with him.

And he was in love with someone else.

Deep breaths, in and out. In and out they went. A hand to your chest, feeling it thump against your palm, like an echo of comfort that managed to bring you back down to earth.

And you were supposed to survive the night knowing that he was right there? Right beside you?

You were not going to make it.

It took more than just a few minutes for you to regain some kind of sanity. And then, you took your time gently prying the door open, making sure that the corridor was void of noise and that everyone else seemed to have retreated to their spaces before tiptoeing back inside your room.

Hyunjae was already lying down onto his bed, freshly washed bangs splayed across his face as he read what looked like a manga from your high school stash. It had been everything to you back then, all these fictional love stories that made you swoon.

Now, the only thing that seemed to make you swoon was the boy right in front of your very eyes.

"Hey," his voice had dropped an octave. Or was that just you? Either way, it made your insides flutter slightly as you padded to your bed and sank into it, feeling the mattress dip under your weight as Hyunjae shifted so he could face you.

"What?" you asked, a little snappier than usual.

"I got you a present."

You blinked, "Well it's not Christmas yet, Einstein. You can give it to me tomorrow--"

"But I wanna give it to you today," he whined out and before you knew it, he was already rummaging through his bag before he tossed you a black box about the size of your palm. You yelped, barely managing to catch it in your grip as the said young man leaned back against the wall and grinned up at you, "happy early Christmas, Y/N."

"Can't I just open it tomorrow when everyone's around--"

"Absolutely not," Hyunjae snorted. He shifted closer so that his knees brushed against your calves, looking up at you as the dim light of the room bounced off his face, "you need to open it now."

"How about tomorrow morning?" you toyed with the gift in your hands. It was light, and you heard something jiggle inside it. Knowing Hyunjae who was the hero of pranks and jokes, you weren't the least bit interested in knowing what was in there and thus tried to find any excuse possible.

Hyunjae however, didn't seem all that phased by your whining, "open it now before I open it for you."

"You're harsh, isn't it my gift?"

"Y/N give it back to me, let me open it for you--"

"No!" You snatched it away and glared at him, "fine fine, I'll open it."

It wasn't wrapped, making it easier for you to pull open the latch as you were met with a plush, creamy interior.

Inside it, glittering from the soft light overhead, was a bracelet with a small bee pendant attached to it.

Your brain short-circuited for a minute. You gazed down at the bracelet as a small frown overtook your face.

"What's this?" you asked, looking back up at him in confusion.

Hyunjae's own face was unreadable as he pressed his lips together and nodded at the said box, "it's yours."

"But--" but Hyunjae didn't buy you gifts. He brought you out to museums, paid for your food sometimes, paid for shows or movies or snacks that you craved. But gifts was not something he'd ever dreamed of giving, not because he didn't want to but because most of the time he forgot your birthdays or important celebrations.

And so your brain was trying to compute why the hell this should be yours in the first place, "--why?" you finally asked lamely.

"What do you mean why?" Hyunjae laughed, "normally people say thank you--"

"Hyun, you don't--you've never--" the words barely made it past your throat. They clogged up, eyes burning with emotion, "you don't give me gifts, Hyunjae. What...is the meaning of this? Is this a prank? Is this--Is this a mistake?" You held it up for him to see, "was this meant for someone else?"

"No Y/N," he grabbed your hand, the one holding the box, and proceeded to kneel by your side so that his chest brushed your knees. Your legs parted to make way for him and suddenly he was so close that your lungs quivered, eyes widening at the lack of proximity.

"It's yours. I bought it. For you," as he spoke, Hyunjae gently lifted the bracelet from its velvet cushion and tossed the box aside. Then, with the kind of gentleness you'd never seen before, the young man's hand ran down the length of your arm, circling your wrist so that he could tie the bracelet around it.

He tsked, grinning as he held your hand up so that the bee pendant hung from it, "see? Looks good--"

"Why?" you cut him off, "why are you giving me this?"

Silence was his answer. It rang and hummed and vibrated between the two of you like a cord filled with unspoken tension that was about to snap any minute. You searched his gaze for anything--anything that might suggest this was a prank. You were halfway hoping that he'd burst out laughing in your face because maybe then it wouldn't be so hard to ignore the squeeze in your heartstrings, the way they kept on bubbling with hope that this--whatever this was -- was a clear message.

Hyunjae shifted, his arm brushed your knee and he proceeded to wrap it around the said limb, hand coming to a rest at the back of your leg as a soft gasp fell from your lips.

His touch was electrifying. It made you lose all focus, made you crave for more.

Always more.

"That day--at the airport," his murmur was so soft you could barely hear him, the deepness of his voice taking you by surprise, "I--I really wanted to kiss you."

You blinked.

Heat exploded through your face. Oh. Oh. Was he talking about what you thought he was talking about?

You opened your mouth but nothing seemed to make sense. Your brain was all over the place, all your senses going out of focus.

You just gaped at him.

Hyunjae continued, looking bashfully— adorably— embarrassed as he looked away, “—and I would’ve… if it wasn’t for Jinhee. That day I only restrained myself out of principle.”

And then he looked up at your face, into your eyes and you swore you forgot how to breathe.

“But I’ve been thinking about it ever since.” He admitted in a soft murmur, “I’ve been—thinking about you. A lot.”

Oh god.

Oh god, this was a confession.

This was — was this even real?

You weren’t sure what to say, what to do. Your limbs froze and your mouth dried up.

Hyunjae was probably feeling flustered since all you did was stare him down like he’d done something awfully terrible, for he let out a small nervous chuckle before one of his hands went to grasp yours.

You jumped at the contact, mouth parting in a soft “oh.” But Hyunjae didn’t relent, allowing his hand to trace the outside of your knuckle before intermingling your fingers and pressing them down onto the bed.

“I love you, because you’re my best friend,” he murmured out in a hoarse whisper, face inching up closer to yours, “but I want to be more than just that.”

Your mouth parted in a soft breath as a shaky whisper escaped, “do you mean that?”

Hyunjae’s head dipped into a nod.

That was enough.

Your hand slipped up to find the back of his neck and before you knew what you were doing, you tilted down to press a soft kiss to his lips.

The sound of surprise that left Hyunjae would’ve made you chuckle, if not for the fact that you were trying not to melt at the sensation of his mouth moving against yours.

Warmth exploded through your chest and almost impulsively a sound left your throat. Hyunjae let out a ragged breath in response. His hand traveled up to your jaw, holding you there as he took lead of the kiss. His lips slanted against yours, moving along to a rhythm that had you seeing stars as you all but trembled against him, trying not to faint at the multiple sensations searing through you. It was exhilarating, magical. Something out of a movie.

You’d kissed boys before. A small peck here and there. A few makeout sessions that had never strayed further than just lip locking. But never had you felt so consumed by this kiss that rendered you speechless with just a mere touch.

Hyunjae grunted against you when he felt your hands trickle through his locks right along his nape, and his other hand didn’t waste time to slide up your thigh, leaving hot trails of fire in his wake.

You gasped into him, and his tongue delved in to twine around yours. You all but melted against his chest, a soft whine echoing out of your mouth as he pulled you even closer with a growl.

It took you an enormous amount of self-control to finally pull away, especially when your best friend’s hand seemed all too intent on caressing every inch of your skin possible. His eyes fluttered up to meet yours as your noses brushed, and in his gaze you found a soft of tenderness that made your chest ache with desire.

“Uhm,” you weren’t sure what to say. What to do. Instead, your fingers kept on playing with his hair, “what—about Jinhee?”

He blinked, stared for a minute. And then let out a bark of a laugh.

“What?” Your cheeks felt hot to the touch, “what’s so funny?”

“I literally just kissed you,” his eyes glittered with playfulness as he leaned in once more to nuzzle your nose, “and that’s what you ask me first?”

“Well I—“ even your neck felt searing hot, “I need to make sure I’m not overstepping.”

“You’re not,” he grinned. His hand cupped your cheek then before his lips found yours once more in a sweet kiss. When he pulled back, you were more than a little breathless, “I ended things right after you left.”

“What? So—So you’ve been playing along all this time?”

“Yeah kinda? I just wanted to give you your gift first.”

That was surprisingly sweet. So sweet that a smile couldn’t resist slipping past your lips as you impulsively tugged him back into a hug. He hugged you back, smoothing circles over your spine as you shivered in response.

“Thank you,” was your murmur.

Hyunjae chuckled lowly, the sound rumbling through his chest as he pressed another soft kiss to the edge of your jaw, “come here.”

And he pulled you onto his lap so that you all but fell straight onto him, embarrassment dusting your cheeks in permanent pink as he held you close.

He buried his face into the crook of your neck, “you don’t know how long I’ve been wanting to do this.”

“You don’t know how long,” you mumbled.

“What does that mean?”

“I see you,” you bit down onto your lower lip, “I’ve always seen you.”

That made him pause in contemplation. His beautiful eyebrows furrowed, biting the inside of his cheek, “since when have you…”

“A long time,” you averted your eyes, “a long time, Hyunjae.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“How could I? We were friends, I didn’t want to lose you.”

“Fair enough,” he pushed a stray strand of hair away from your face, caressed your cheekbone as he did so, “I didn’t want to lose you either.”

That night, you spent it cuddling with Hyunjae until the sun came up and until the birds started singing to welcome the new morning. It was funny how things turned out, one minute you’d been crying over him and the next, he was telling you that you were his everything. And that morning you lifted the bracelet up to the light, seeing the bee pendant glimmer like crystal jewels, as your heart swelled with joy because no matter how hard you tried to stay nonchalant about it, you were already a wreck for Hyunjae.

You would always come back to him. Always.

[wild-west-wind]

Being vegan is very easy and very cheap for everybody- only reason ppl think it's expensive is because of meat replacements, which aren't necessary. The number one way you can reduce your carbon footprint is by going vegan. Also, animals do have sentience; why is it OK to kill animals for eating pleasure? I understand your knee jerk reaction, but I wrote down every argument against Veganism and found that Veganism won every time. There is no reason not to go vegan in first world countries.

I'm going to choose to believe you mean well in this anon, and are not looking to start a fight.

There are lots of easy way to reduce one's carbon footprint, and I would rather everyone find something relatively easy they can do consistently, and that makes them want to do, or at least try, more. All-or-nothing might be a good fit for you, and I wouldn't want to take that from you, but it's not for everyone. I, for instance, have to drive two hours and a half hours one way to get consistently fresh produce. People live in food deserts, people have food allergies or live in remote areas where the price of fresh grown produce is overwhelming. People are so poor that taking a rifle out and bagging a whitetail can be fundamentally life changing savings (and help depopulate destructively overpopulated animals).

If you like being vegan, do it! It's not a perfect fit for everyone, and that's also okay. People should try to live in a way that reduces their impact on the world, there are lots of ways to do that. Trying to push people significantly out of their comfort zone, or conflating only certain methods as being indicative of environmentalism only encourages people to do nothing. Being supportive of people making good choices is infinitely more productive than being judgemental when they don't.

[preemshots]

oc smash or pass

tagged by @theloverstemperance tagging ANYONE who wants to do this but hasn't yet. please tag me as the person who tagged you so i can read about your OC :D rules: pretty self explanatory. include physical descriptions or pics, and propaganda. the “other” label can be used for “sexuality misalignment” (ie: oc is femme and you’re gay, vice versa or you aren’t into smashing but a specific thing you wanna do with them like perhaps hug or study them under a microscope idc).

BASICS

Full Name: NV ("nut v". i never picked a real full name, but it's also not valerie or vincent lmao) Nickname: V Age: 27 in 2077 Height: 5'10" Eyes: Black Kiroshi "The Oracle" with red emissive pupil UI Gender: nonbinary Pronouns: they/she; masc>femme nouns Sexuality: yeah. (bi/pan/queer/poly all of the above)

PROS

obvious: NV is outwardly reserved and focused most of the time; brow furrowed, slight resting grump face. but they're also terrible at hiding what they're feeling and it's easy to break this focus. if they like you, they'll react strongly to you--usually with snark, bold suggestions, or by getting flustered.

dependable sucker: prefers to serve others before self, and once making a choice follows through with it (even if they know they'll regret it or have been deceived).

observant: pays attention to every detail of everything they can, will randomly give you the most thoughtful gift or something you mentioned needing/wanting but forgot about.

enduring: can tolerate a lot--physically, mentally, emotionally, even without certainty of reward at the end.

switch: their dynamic depends on the person, but generally are top-leaning. they are just as eager to struggle for dominance as they are to be put in their place.

work hard, play hard mentality: they overwork to justify seeking pleasure and good times, believing strongly in indulgent treats and blowing off steam--and most importantly, treating others.

1TB SDD memory: their sense of humanity is extremely dependent upon their connections with others above all else, whether close/personal, casual/transactional, or human/AI. they will not forget you.

cybernetically enhanced: stronger than average, but they're made of mostly doll parts, so you know. pleasure enhancements are included >:3

CONS

thrill seeker: they constantly want to test the limits of their cybernetic body in ridiculous ways--whether with new, dangerous drugs, by jumping off buildings in corpo plaza, or watching hacked BDs. their cybernetics aren't even particularly strong; they deliberately choose cheap/basic models and are more than willing to blow money on repairs/replacement parts.

rat: refuses to buy food unless it's for others. they'll openly steal food off tables as they pass by random people dining on the street to get the very limited caloric intake they need. if that fails, they'll even eat something off the ground if it doesn't look too gross.

deeply unwell: it's not just the creepy look of the kiroshis; years of cybernetic replacements have eroded NV's sense of humanity. while there's no risk of a full blown cyberpsychotic breakdown, a sort of gnawing omnipresent craving for violence lives inside them, something they consistently indulge in on a small scale via work when the opportunity presents itself. though it's not enough to motivate their decisions, they do enjoy the excuse.

the fool: their sense of identity is largely defined by choice and the guilt that follows. nudging them into misguided choices is not particularly difficult.

indifferent reaper: they are acutely aware of the nature of merc work, how often they're required to pass judgement on behalf of others whom they may not agree with, as well as how often they are given the unique opportunity to pass life-or-death judgement themselves. but even when executing something they feel is right, they don't really believe in greater moral justice, only luck and bad luck.

feral: the relic and johnny's influence prevent further decay of their humanity but also exacerbate a tendency to overindulge in all their vices. they WILL get themselves into trouble.

narrow viewpoint: particularly focused on individual survival, they don't often examine the larger picture (of corps, society, long-term manipulation, etc.)

EXTRAS

former nomad who loves cars and driving around. they are either the best driver (on the clock) or the scariest (off the clock the thrill seeking mentality kicks in, no thoughts head empty, my insurance will cover this, etc.)

utility netrunner: very skilled but only uses it for doing spooky shit, never direct attacks.

throwing knife user. likes to pounce on their prey and abuse finishers.

also a failed arasaka corpo who loves bullying other corpos but is absolutely embarassed about being a failed corpo. it is not hard to see why they were bad at it.

smoker.

eager to follow a leader but generally suspicious of organized groups that recruit. indiscriminately hazes every ganger in night city, will beat their asses for fun and then sell their guns back to them

more propaganda under the cut (warning for slight spice 🌶)

[casuallyawkardd]

Hi there, could you write some headcanons for miguel and a deaf reader? It can be sfw or nsfw or both, whatever you want. Thank you! I love reading your stuff 🖤

Thank you for reading 🥰 I'm glad you enjoy my content. Now...to SFW or NSFW hehe I'm so clever...fuck it let's do both.

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x Deaf!Reader

Warnings: NSFW MINORS DNI! But you can read the SFW~ sex, bit of rough sex, some fluff, lowkey bottom!miguel, kinda sorta choking?

SFW

It would start with notes. It's already hard enough finding people who know sign language, even more so when said people are part of a Spider Society. All of which coming from different universes with their own different forms of sign language. So you stick to writing/typing what you want to say and most of the other spiders just write back or have you lip read.

This is a short lived system with Miguel. He's usually busy when you try to talk to him and the time it takes to read and respond is too much time away from his work. At least in his opinion. He eventually just programs Lyla to be a translator, even gives you access to her to use when you need, whether it be talking to him, the other spiders or during meetings.

Once the two of you get to know each other better, he takes the time to learn sign language. He's a smart cookie, so it comes pretty easy to him. He'll even pick up SSL so he can share his mother tongue with you. The more attached he gets to you also equivalates with how much attention he gives.

Instead of using Lyla as a translator so he can focus on his work, now all you have to do is tap him on the shoulder and his eyes are fixated on you. It's a little intimidating at first, his gaze intense as he watches you sign, but you get used to it the longer you're around him. He hates when people try to talk to him while you are; in his mind they're talking over you. So he's snapped at a few people/completely ignored them.

"¡Cállate! Y/N is talking."

"Huh? I was listening to Y/N."

If you are interested in the idea, he'll even go out of his way to make hearing aids. I picture his universe is almost utopic in that the cost for medicine/prosthetics is either really cheap or just plain free. That being said, he'd probably still just make you a pair of hearing aids on his own, more sentimental that way. However, if you turn down the offer he's fine with that too. Your body, your choice right?

NSFW

Love, love, loves having your hands on his throat. He wants you to feel the vibration when he moans for you. To feel the rumble in his chest when he growls in satisfaction. His favorite position is you on top of him, hands on his chest or wrapped around his neck while you bounce on his cock.

Miguel likes to be able to see your face, wanting the visual of just how good he's making you feel. Your moans and whimpers aren't enough, he wants to see your eyes roll back in your head. The little bit of drool on your chin when he fucks you thoughtless. His hand tangled in your hair, giving a slight tug to get your attention. When he has it, he makes you read his lips while he tells you just how good you are for him.

"You still with me, cariño? Or are you too cock drunk already?"

The feeling is mutual. You also enjoy watching him when you have sex. How his brows knit together and his jaw goes slack when he enters you; like he's about to cum then and there. How when you wiggle your hips just right while you're riding he goes a little cross eyed and his grip on your waist is just a bit tighter.

"Ay, dios mio, vas a ser la muerte de mi." Oh, my god, you are going to be the death of me.

The two of you develop your own form of communication in the bedroom. Miguel trailing light kisses along your neck and back as praise, large hands squeezing the parts of you he loves most. You tapping on his thigh to tell him to go faster, biting his flesh to encourage him to be rougher. It's not an exact science, but you each know what the other is trying to communicate and that's what matters.

In the afterglow, he likes to look at you. Sometimes you're already asleep, face half buried in a pillow and lightly snoring. He'll comb his fingers through your hair as he admires the view, pulling you against him and humming contently, making you smile in your sleep as the sound reverberates against your back. Other times Miguel just lays there and watches you talk; half paying attention, half just admiring your naked form. Eventually, he'll gently take your hands in his and kiss the knuckles, which can mean two things. One being that he's ready to go to sleep, the other being his way of saying he's ready for round two.

Tags:

@khaleesihavilliard @leahnicole1219 @edgycatx @oharaludes @graysonshaven @qiaipia @3zae-zae3 @melovetitties @jebsoxnoshansk @thedevax @erissco @Its_carlerrr

[alex51324]

Can we have the high points of the tea lecture, please? I... may or may not do one of those tea behaviors you called out.

Sure!

Black tea--the dried and oxidized leaves of Camellia sinensis--requires a higher brewing temperature than coffee. A delicate full-leaf tea might brew decently as low as 200 F, which is the top end of the range for coffee, but for the ordinary stuff in your teabags, you want the hottest water you can get, just off the boil. This shocks the flavor producing compounds out of the tea--and if it's something fairly cheap, most of the flavor is going to come from that initial instant of contact with boiling-hot water.

The water that comes out of a water cooler, the hot water tap on a big coffee maker, or a Keurig simply does not get hot enough to bring out that first burst of flavor. It's going to taste flat. Again, a more delicate tea might turn out OK if it has subtler flavors that come out in the later stages of the steeping process, but with regular teabag tea, it's mostly going to be tannins.

That's why, if you have any choice in the matter, you should always make tea with water that you have personally boiled. (The little pot of hot water they bring you in a restaurant usually isn't hot enough, either.) If coffee-maker water is all that's available, green tea likes a lower temperature, so that's an option.

Next, the reason Keurig tea pods suck in particular is that in addition to the water not being hot enough, tea is supposed to steep, usually for 3-5 minutes. The Keurig is not set up for that; it just shoots the water through that little cup of tea-leaf dust and out into your cup, ready to disappoint you.

And that's before you get to the cost (exorbitant) and the excess plastic waste. It's sort of understandable in the case of coffee, because before K-cups et al., there wasn't an easy way to make a single fresh cup of coffee without making a whole production of it.

With tea, there is: we call it the teabag; you can buy it in a box of 100 for about what it costs for 8 or 10 K-cups.

If you have to use a Keurig--at work, or somewhere like that--just use it to heat the water for a regular teabag. That way, you can at least steep it properly, and you aren't throwing money away to have an even worse tea experience.

[666writingcafe]

A Reward: Diavolo/Simeon

Part Four of Special Bonus Content

Content Warning: name-calling, biting

Diavolo and Simeon are off in a corner, looking rather serious as they're whispering to each other. I know that they have a professional relationship resulting from a mutual desire to unite the three realms, but I didn't think they talked much beyond that.

Apparently, I was wrong.

The two of them approach me, stopping at the foot of the bed. Simeon looks like he's seconds away from bolting, but Diavolo rests a hand on his shoulder, making him stay in place.

And then it dawns on me.

"You're scared, aren't you?" I ask Simeon, who nods his head.

"It hit me all at once," he whispers. "It's one thing to think about doing this, but actually being presented with the opportunity is something else entirely. I mean, I know we're in the dream realm, but that doesn't mean there won't be real-world consequences, and I..." He trails off, swallowing nervously.

"He fears that he's about to fly too close to the sun, so to speak," Diavolo continues. "And he's not sure whether to risk the fall or not." That makes sense. Simeon's feelings towards me are intense, but at the end of the day, he's still an angel. He's been conditioned for thousands of years to not succumb to sin. If he follows through on any of the fantasies I saw, his life as he knows it is over. He no longer would be able to call the Celestial Realm his home.

"It also doesn't help that I was all gun-ho about it earlier." Simeon looks down in embarrassment. "I don't want to look like a chicken by backing out."

"Bro," Mammon pipes up. "None of us are gonna judge you if you change your mind, least of all MC. We might have chosen our fate for different reasons, but that doesn't mean it was an easy decision to make. I remember Lucifer and I going back and forth about it a buncha times before we even thought about our first move. So not knowing which direction you're gonna go in is completely normal."

"Didn't think Mammon had it in him to be insightful," Levi mutters, earning a hard jab from his brother.

"You know my position on this, but if you feel like you need to take a back seat or leave this dream entirely, then that's fine as well," Diavolo tells Simeon, making me raise an eyebrow in disapproval.

"Really?" I ask the prince. "We're playing into tropes now?"

"He's right." Simeon's statement surprises me. "If it weren't for the apple, then you wouldn't be here, and you're the best thing that has happened to me in a really long time." The next thing I know, the angel's straddling my lap.

"I hope you're ready, MC," he murmurs. "Because I plan on making the Celestial Realm seem like a cheap imitation of heaven by the time I'm done with you." Diavolo clears his throat, reminding Simeon of his presence. The angel merely smirks as he asks me,

"Think you can handle both of us, MC?"

"Well, only one way to find out."

The dynamic that quickly develops between Simeon and Diavolo is insane. With only brief glances, they're able to communicate in a way that rivals the twin telepathy of Beel and Belphie. Between the two of them, they're able to work me up in a matter of seconds.

"This isn't fair," I whine. The two men chuckle.

"Did you really expect us to take it easy on you?" Simeon whispers, grinning wickedly. "You should know better than that, MC."

"Perhaps they're not as smart as we thought they were," Diavolo adds in a teasing tone.

"Or maybe being fucked by multiple men has made them temporarily stupid." Simeon pinches my chin between two of his fingers. "Is that it, MC? Have all the thoughts in your pretty little head been wiped clean and replaced with the sole desire of receiving as much dick as you possibly can?" Diavolo tightly grips my thighs.

"Answer him," he hisses. I manage to stammer out a "yes".

"Well, I'll give you this: at least you're honest," Simeon responds. "I suppose if you want to act like a needy whore, then we have no choice but to treat you like one." He glances at Diavolo, who nods in agreement. The next thing I know, my back's pressed against the prince's chest, my wrists restrained by his hands. Simeon nearly towers over me as he begins stroking himself.

"Are you ready?" he asks me.

"For what?"

"This." With that, he begins pounding into me relentlessly. Diavolo, meanwhile, bites down on my neck and begins sucking. The combined sensations are making me rather lightheaded, but not necessarily in a bad way.

I feel like I'm in a state of pure euphoria.

Taglist: @lost-in-time-wanderer, @fuzztacular, @dianedancer18, @sweetbrier2908, @flare-love, @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf, @thunderlightning351, @l3v1chan, @anxious-chick

[drmajalis]

Mari's Lessons For a Better Commander Experience (not applicable for CEDH)

These all come from my years of playing Commander, constantly tinkering with decks, talking with others, and reading theory articles. These tips aren't all necessarily designed to make you a more powerful player, but to have more fun playing, and also to help others at your table have more fun as well.

Be honest about your deck's power to the playgroup. Instead of picking a number between 1 and 10, just say what your win cons are and whether you/how easily you assemble infinite combos.

People who deliberately only bring/only have one super overtuned, powerful deck probably won't make friends.

If you want to make friends, make your decks fun to play against, and avoid cards you feel like groaning to when they're played by others.

If you must have a drink at the table, invest in a water bottle with a locking mechanism.

If you hate being the target, don't play stax.

Get used to being targetted if you take early/commanding leads, maybe wait a bit before playing that Sol Ring in your opening hand.

Spite plays rarely help you in the long run.

Never play less than 38 lands in a multi-colour deck, or 34 lands in a mono-colour deck.

No more than 1/4 of your lands should enter tapped. If you do not have enough enters untapped dual lands, just run more basics.

Lands like Tectonic Edge and Ghost Quarter are essentially free includes; always be prepared for Cabal Coffers and other problem lands.

Keep your instant speed interaction cheap in mana cost, you are not going to consistently hold up five mana for Desertion.

You can never run too much card draw.

Do not let your opponents draw tons of free cards off Rhystic Study/Esper Sentinel etc. your spells can wait a turn. It is easy to forget how quickly massive card advantage can unbalance a game.

You probably don't need Chromatic Lantern unless your deck is 4 or 5 colour.

Two-mana ramp spells/permanents are almost always the most optimal. Cultivate and Kodama's Reach are not as good as they feel to play.

Never neglect artifact/enchantment removal.

You should always run at least 3 wrath-type spells/effects.

Modal cards are your best friends.

If the choice is between running a tutor, or a powerful card advantage piece like Phyrexian Arena, choose the Phyrexian Arena every time.

[rebornologist]

♡ Misc. Varia Headcanons ✧ 2 of 2

I'm finally finishing what I started.

♡ Xanxus smells like whisky in a wood smoked glass, a recently snuffed candle, leather, iron, and pomade.

He has really fast metabolism, which is why he seems to always be hungry. Just as quickly as he gets tipsy off of a few drinks, him standing around, drinking some water, or eating something tends to make him sober up. He's built up some impressive tolerance for alcohol through the years and would absolutely body a drinking contest if he ever stooped to such a level.

He likes a lot of cracked black pepper in his steak and isn't as much of a fan of garlic and onions. He appreciates herby notes like thyme, bay leaves, and rosemary, especially with a gamey meat like lamb. He hates vegetables. Partially because he's a hypermasculine weirdo, and partially because they leave him hungry soon after eating, and he just gets ridiculously hangry.

Speaking of hangry, it's because he often suffered from hunger pains as a child. His mother was not well-off, and they only had just enough to get by. That changed when he was taken in by Timoteo. He doesn't remember much of his time with his birth mother because he was so young, but the pain of a ghrelin spike just makes him feel absolutely awful and sets him off.

Xanxus isn't a huge desserts guy but appreciates a good chocolate mousse or a homemade flan. He has a soft spot for a very boozy tiramisu. He learned the base recipe from Timoteo, but the extra rum is his own personal touch. He doesn't drink coffee (it makes his hands shake and it bothers him a lot) but will tolerate it when it's in dessert.

୨୧ ⁺˳₊

♡ Mammon smells like dust, an incoming thunderstorm, baby powder, and refrigerant. They use mild, unscented, sensitive (baby) soap by choice, because it's cheap and it works.

They enjoy playing mahjong because of the sensory component. Cards comes close in second, but they aren't as good at cards and unwilling it gamble with cards as much as they do with mahjong. It's pretty easy for an illusionist to create multiplier tiles out of nothing, so they’re somewhat of a mahjong master.

Mammon gets more easily stressed than they let on. They always have a million thoughts running through their mind, and they are fairly bad at mindfulness or meditation, surprisingly. Their vivid visualization abilities make it extremely difficult to clear their mind. They are prone of stress nightmares, and do not sleep as much as they should as a result. They absolutely are a night owl and make up for it through occasional midday naps.

୨୧ ⁺˳₊

♡ Squalo is a fairly good driver, never mind the road rage and always being in a rush. I didn't say he wasn't reckless, but he has fast reaction speed and knows how to handle his vehicle on the road. He prefers manual to automatic transmission and was caught off guard by the automatic cars that were popular in Japan. He would catch himself habitually moving his foot to the nonexistent clutch, or trying to pull the stick in a way that it simply wouldn't go. Anyone pointing that out will just piss him off and he will drive even more aggressively.

He always eats just enough to sustain himself and supply his body with the energy to build the muscle he needs, almost with efficiency as more of a priority than enjoying the food. A result of the fast pace, physical demands, and immense pressures of his work. He also has a fast metabolism, so he's always been fairly lean, but he runs cold. Something about the long limbs and poor circulation. He appreciates a good hearty soup and misses the cooking from his childhood no matter how much he tries to deny himself that yearning.

Squalo definitely gives "grew up too fast", in part through his family's expectations on him, and himself being extremely ambitious in his youth and choosing to fly the coop and shoulder so much more than the average teenage boy. He chose to pursue the sword and made the bold decision to dedicate his life to it from early on. He does not regret it one bit, but it comes up in times of high stress. Sometimes he almost wishes that he could be as emotionally unhinged as Xanxus, and to just be irresponsible and destructive when overwhelmed by emotions... but someone has to be collected enough to lead around here.

Not to get off topic here, but I really don't feel right thinking and writing about Xanxus going hungry as a child without thinking about children who are starving in real life.

I know this is just a fandom blog, but I cannot post this without flagging this post for d0nation matches to people currently having their food, water, families, homes, land, and lives taken from them. Sorry to end on something so grim, but if y'all want to support my blog, please support what I care about as a human being. From river to sea,

[mdhwrites]

Do you think the Owl House writes good romance queer or otherwise?

NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT... but also SLIGHTLY yes.

Like a lot of TOH's writing, its romance writing suffers the same problem: Great concepts and initial presentation but a lack of ideas, focus or proper follow through means that it is kneecapped once the easy, flashy parts of writing the romances is over. The problem is that this is further compounded by the fact that this is EASILY the field in which TOH is the most willing to use cheap tropes so as to allow for simplicity of storytelling which conflicts with the rest of the storytelling. All of this makes the writing of the romances in TOH a PROBLEM.

Let's start, obviously, with Lumity. They are literally a Hallmark couple. That is not exaggeration or a metaphor. One of them is a plucky, small town person who believes in emotions and the present and that all that really matters is that the joy of things is kept alive. Meanwhile, the other is a big city slicker who was raised to care about pathetic things like financial security, her future and making sure that they're still going to have a roof over their head in the future. Over the course of their journey, the city slicker will realize that everything they believed is bullshit, that having ambition is terrible and have pretty much all of their personality traits scrubbed away so they can see things the way the small town person does and then the movie ends.

But... the show didn't end with Lumity getting together and the fact that this was using Hallmark's model gets REALLY obvious. The model requires that the serious one entirely abandon their desire, personalities and commonly their friends and family even, sometimes even their romantic partners. It's an extreme way to show character development and devotion. A show of how much they care for the other lead which is usually meant to be some amount of audience surrogate. That's not good for a character though, as desires/connections often form much of a basis for a character's motivations, and so suddenly the show is scrambling to give Amity a supporting cast to interact with and desires beyond Luz. However, because Luz is her only desire, again following this model, she always abandons those characters and desires to go back to Luz. Luz is still her true core focus in Reaching Out. She doesn't mention Alador in For the Future. This devotion honestly gets so bad over time as to become DISTRESSING because it is not a sign of a healthy relationship. Your partner should not be the only thing you appear to actually care about in this world.

Even if you don't want to accuse them of being a Hallmark model, they aren't anything new and some of their tropes are simply not good. A lot of works will have the quirky, silly guy get with the serious one in the cast. It's a classic pairing but one that's usually handled pretty awkwardly since it usually includes some amount of what comes down to harassment from the quirky member of the cast. Literally sexual harassment if you got with Inuyasha's pairing of Miroku and Sango. This is often because the quirky one sees the other as a challenge or the like and wants bragging points for being able to crack their shell. But of course, TOH would never include something like that. Luz is a good girl and would never declare something like, I dunno, "Maybe I can befriend her like Azura did her rival?"

Yes. That is an actual quote from the show. From Lost in Language where eventually Amity sees Luz's quirky nature as charming rather than trouble and the two finally get cohesion due to Luz's efforts to save Amity's life, which is actually not abnormal for any couple in an adventure show to have be when their attraction starts, let alone this sort of pairing. Again: The show does nothing new here... But why should that matter? I LIKE Hallmark movies after all despite their flaws. They can be fun and charming, even as they make incredibly questionable choices.

Well, part of the problem is that the tone and ego of TOH doesn't match with storytelling that revels in cheats like Hallmark does. Understanding Willow is just one of MANY examples of the show claiming it won't use narrative shortcuts, especially in relationships between people. You know, only a couple episodes before it uses the shortcut from Hallmark of Amity throwing away connections consequence free in Winging it Like Witches. Then, four episodes after that, doing it again in Escaping Expulsion. TOH claims to be more maturely paced than that though. That these are real characters with long term arcs and that they are people, not props. But... The Hallmark model uses mostly pretty cheap props. It needs to for its life as a popcorn movie and for how simple its stories are. Just as an example: Murder might be farther than most antagonists in Hallmark movies but rampant greed and not caring about others to a cartoonish level? Yeah, that's there in those and it's there in Alador and Odalia. These two approaches are simply incompatible and I do not blame anyone, myself included, who thought the show was claiming that there would be more to Amity's character than simple obstructions that had to be moved away and biopsied out of her for the sake of being a love interest.

Now, real quick tangential shout out: My favorite Hallmark style movie, even if it technically isn't one since it's not by Hallmark, is Last Christmas. Yes the one based on the song. It's not perfect but it's a lot more unique in my opinion than most and like... If I can say it still fits the Hallmark style, perfection was already left at the door. Charm and fun though? There in spades.

But, getting back on track, Lumity isn't the only romance in the show.

Raeda, like Lumity, presents a strong, classic romance pairing to begin with as well. The wild outlaw and the more rule abiding loyalist but with the neat twist that age has actually brought them to being much closer in viewpoints. As such, it's more the girl who fits in and so knows how to be a rebel and the nice person who is trying to branch out and push boundaries now. They balance each other well but their conflict is immediately understood. The care is also easy to understand, let alone once you know that the curse and the lies tore them apart.

But... Then S2B begins. Now see, with their backstory, you'd actually expect Raine to have some issues with Eda. Some potential trust problems and the like but... Nope. Their entire being is dedicated to the woman who lied to them and then ran from them rather than being honest with them. Like mentor like student I guess. However, Raine doesn't seem to care. Their relationship is 100% fully mended by the end of Eda's Requiem and everything Raine does, he does for Eda effectively despite there not actually being any reason given by them besides personal desire. Maybe they just don't want Eda possibly dying and abandoning her kids? Don't know because it's entirely left to interpretation.

Worse yet, Them's the Breaks goes even farther and makes it so that Raine is just a clone of Eda. A wild child who wants to break the rules and tell everyone to stuff it. They're just, you know, smarter about it than Eda. Not even that they need a push but just that they're better at hiding it. Neither this nor the devotion makes them interesting and like Amity for Lumity, their character vanishes and the romance at best becomes boring.

And finally Huntlow which... From a romance perspective it's nothing. It's not even to say that it doesn't exist but it's almost literally what a tacked on Romantic D PLOT would be. A couple cute looks, a handful of small exchanges and now they're soulmates. That's really it. Huntlow takes up an exceptionally small amount of time of the story and the time it takes up isn't used serving it explicitly but more to erase any memory of the fact that Hunter is a trained murderer who is VERY willing to execute people who get in his way. Stranger Tides proved that after all.

They're inoffensive but even with that said, they're not good. Hunter loses all of his edge while Willow is so forceful as to almost come across as a bully at times during Sport in a Storm (remember, she literally won't take no for an answer and kidnaps him when he won't listen to her). This does make him look weaker and smaller but it doesn't make either one interesting. In fact, it just reinforces how this isn't a romance built off mutual like and chemistry. It's there because... It's just there. I guess Willow is nice to him once but so is Luz and Amity and he never starts being attracted to them. It's Willow pretty much because she's the one available to date and nothing else.

It's weak and it's nothing I care about, built on two of the most inconsistent characters in the entire show. They're genuinely the easiest for me to imagine genuinely being happy together and being just a nice couple, instead of one being in charge over the other, but that's because they're boring. I imagine Hunter as Ned Flanders as an adult just to drive home the point.

So yeah, I'm confidant to say these aren't good romances. Meanwhile, the characters bend for the sake of the romances instead of the romance being properly based on their dynamics, critical elements to characters are discarded for the ease of them getting together and while we might get some cute moments, they have no depth or oomph to them and are only good when dealing with the wonders of a relationship and not its difficulties which are often the far more compelling parts of a relationship. If you want to know how it handles the difficulties of romance... *stares at how Luz spends the second half of the series lying to her girlfriend despite making a promise to be more open at the end of Falls and Follies* Yeah, it's really fucking shitty. If you compare the conversation Amity and Luz have at the end of Covention compared to their conversation before the Grom Tree in Reaching Out, it becomes REALLY clear just how far both of them have fallen, as well as their chemistry. I have quite literally spent multiple blogs talking about how Reaching Out is the death of Lumity for me, a SUPREME Lumity shipper if the probably close to a million words based on them between original and fan works isn't enough to prove it, and I don't feel like going hard on it here.

But hey, it wasn't ever meant to be a romance. Dana said so herself. It just, you know, takes up literally a third of the show. That's not hyberbole. Amity takes up seven episodes of S1. She takes up six of S2 while Raeda, which ends up being pointless because everything they do doesn't matter, takes up two episodes of S2, and that's if you don't include Falls and Follies as either a Raeda or Lumity episode which it could be claimed for both. Huntlow is a part of Hunter's arc at the expense of having it be TEN EPISODES since he interacted with Luz when Hollow Mind comes up and SHE is the one there for his character's big turn.

For a genre that the show supposedly wasn't about, it sure is prioritized over ANYTHING else. Amity and Luz literally have more plot lines together than Eda and Luz. You know, the two who are pitched as the twin main characters. Mentor and student. The two who will beat Belos together arguably. Yes, King is there but if you think Luz spends too little time with Eda, just imagine what that ends up looking like if you look too closely at Luz and King's time spent together.

And that is an element of romance writing. How does the romance serve the plot and theme. How can you make it important. Amity, Raine and Willow are all non-important to the story, especially when compared to their partners. None of them ever help push the plot forward minus Raine and again, their contribution ends up being pointless. Willow at least arguably enacts some character growth on Hunter but Hunter isn't actually that important to the story, just his relationship with Belos and his backstory. As for Amity? It literally was a meme that nothing important could happen with her around and she has literally no impact on Luz's character ever. If she did, Luz might not have LIED TO HER FOR HALF THE SERIES.

Their contributions to the finale highlight this all too well. They're just effectively background characters. Not even interacting with their partners but just doing what everyone else is doing. Their connections don't matter. Their lessons don't. They don't matter to this story.

Which you know what? Even in a Hallmark movie, the serious lead's turn to becoming bland usually coincides in them, having been persuaded by their love for the quirky other lead, to swoop in and save the day. The effect that love and connection and what not wins out. The relationship is at least part of why there is a happy ending.

When your romance is more pointless, and at best just as charming as, a HALLMARK ROMANCE, I think I can pretty firmly say you aren't good at romance.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[captainx-camino]

I got Buggy done yesterday just in time for my local Japanese Festival event today so, here are some highlights:

Starting off small, here's the wig (and scarf, which I didn't make) chilling on my wig head waiting for me to struggle to put it on.

90% of the work I did on this wig is going to be covered the entire time I'm wearing it, but did I let that stop me from hand laying an entire glued hairline? Lmao of course not! That would have been easy, and we don't do easy in this house!

As stated above, I didn't make the cap I just got one online simply because I was having shit luck finding the striped fabrics I would have needed and the idea of having to sew two different stripes together was giving me hives.

Ascot, vest, gloves and glove cuffs~ In other words, 90% of the work of this costume and his accessory friends.

The Ascot was stitched together by my lovely partner via the piss poor instructions I was able to give them on how I wanted it made. Seriously, give them a round of applause for somehow decoding my incoherent babbling. This is beautiful. @kadaverc0splay did a fantastic job.

The gloves are just purchased leather fencing gloves of which I fold under the length and hide it under the cuffs I made, which are simply craft foam, paint, and buckles I had to order online with almost not enough time to get them because, for some reason, craft stores no longer find it necessary to carry and assortment of styles and sizes of buckles. *Internal screaming*

*sharp inhale* Ok. The vest. *Reconsiders every life choice he's ever made* This thing is a BEAST. It was a pain to make, it's a pain to wear, the leather belting that secures the garment closed is held on by glue, prayers, and human sacrifice via my own blood, sweat, and tears. It took me more hours than I care to even think about, let alone admit, to do all the top stitching on this godforsaken goblin of a clown man and that's not even half of the ironic tragedy that gathering the supplies for this disaster was.

Not only did I have to replace more than one of the FIVE DIFFERENT TYPES OF RIBBON AND TRIM THIS BASTARD HAS ON HIS VEST but nowhere had everything I needed in enough yards to complete anything I needed done, so I had to make several trips and buy several different things to finish any part of it. INCLUDING THE BUCKLES, which arrived here Thursday...for an event today. So, that was fun.

Oh, and also, the white ribbon is wired, but the wire refused to be pulled out, so it's just in there now I guess. Lucky me!

(the belts aren't entirely accurate, but I'll save adding the additional headache that will cause for the con I'll be wearing this to next spring. I'm tired.)

Buggy's many belts of despair and loathing...

I swear the cosplay gods are never kind to me, but tricking me into thinking this was going to go well because I was able to get some good sized chunks of real, genuine leather for dirt cheap? Not cool, guys!

The leather was chocolate brown and not black, as I had previously believed it to be upon purchase. So, it had to be painted with latex paint. (Thank you again, pretty boy, I seriously couldn't have done it without you. Seriously.) Actually , another round of applause for all the belts being painted by my partner, because they also painted the foam under belt for me. Because he was smart and got his costume done several days ago.

Not me. I'm not that bright. No. But alas, we trudge forward.

And by trudge...

These boots weren't made for walking, these boots were made for traversing through the dusty floor of the fun house you've built around yourself to forget how salty your rat ex has left you - AND IT SHOWS!

Ignore my poorly made foam buckles. I'm not going to repeat myself about that bs, lest I may sink back into a depressive state equaled only by my ability to pass it off as a joke. These crumpled, sad black asskickers were originally brown! And suede. Don't ask me how I got them to look like old, worn leather. I simply fell into a dissociative state and awoke with black boots and no memory of where I'd been. The belts are foam, and the weird pattern on his tongue is simply a quilting square from Joanne fabrics that I glued on and then mod podged over.

As stated above, the buckles are foam and painted. They look awful, but if anyone is close enough to my feet to say something about it, my foot is going to need to detach to be removed from betwixt their teeth.

The entire costume was also weathered by @kadaverc0splay (including the pants, which are not pictured here because I didn't really do anything to them) while I cried over the wig that you won't see most of so you know what, just send all your praise to them I'm not even here all I did was top stitch and cry.

All in all, and in true Buggy fashion, the build of this costume was entirely, and regrettably, failing upward. Because, hot damn, did it come together. 🔥

See you at Aki Matsuri.

I never want to do this again~!

[rockethorse]

Shuebock's Apartments [CC Free]

I was inspired by some tiny Tokyo apartment tours and a TS4 Simmer making a fully-functional 3x3 house to try and see how that might work in The Sims 2. Then I figured, hey, since they're so small, may as well fit as many as you can onto one lot, right?

There are 8 apartments, though only 4 playable families can live in one complex at once. Each apartment is functionally identical except for any necessary mirroring.

Behold; a functional CC-free 3x3 Sims 2 "house". I have foregone a bed in place of a recliner, which is actually pretty good for getting a Sim's energy up, especially if you spring to upgrade it. Everything has been playtested and should be fully accessible, including the shower/toilet, the chest of drawers under the counter, the bookshelf, the phone, etc.

The goal of these apartments was to be as cheap as possible and rent is about §200. Obviously, they're extremely minimal. There's a little leeway for things you can add or move around to suit an individual Sim's needs, but you get what you pay for. There are no places to WooHoo; it's not easy to find a place for a computer; and it's nigh impossible to fit more than one Sim in at a time.

This is the common outdoor area. It's not meant to be pretty. The BBQ with no actual dining area or other amenities was an intentional choice, but it's understandable if you want to add them back in, especially if you play with landlord pizza parties. I imagine the kind of Sims who live here either spend all their time working or else hanging out anywhere but home.

If you aren't bothered by doors getting stuck open, you can replace either the bookshelf or the wardrobe-counter with a one-tile table and a chair, and Sims will still be able to enter the apartment at the cost of never closing their front door. This way you can own a computer.

If you moved or replaced or deleted the TV you could put a CC bunk bed across that wall.

You could easily replace the mini fridge with this CC version that functions as a full fridge.

The stairs to the second floor have been placed with Nopke's mod, so your Sims should be able to walk under them to access the courtyard even if you don't have the same mod. If not, just add a side gate before you move any Sims in (turn it back into a residential lot temporarily, or use Apartment Life building cheats).

Nobody asked for this and I doubt anybody needs it but you can certainly download it!

Download Shuebock's Apartments @ SFS

[coffee-master]

[Relative falls] LOVE TRAINGLE AU!

Aka: Toxic hetero, doomed hetero and ENDGAME YURI!

And it goes from: Dipcifica -> Dipper x Oracle -> MabiFica

[Yes the titel couldn't be longer-] [ Also It's not actually a love traingle, but I didn't have idea for other name]

Basically in Relative falls this ship is OUR:

• Dipcifica = Fiddauthor [ now doomed/unrequited hetero]

• Dipper x Oracle = BillFord [now toxic hetero]

• MabiFica = Fiddlestan [now Endgame yuri]

So how it goes from: Dipcifica -> Dipper x Oracle -> MabiFica

And since I have all of your attention, I need to admit that I'm pretty dissapionted in the fandom, since there is almost no content for this idea.

BEFORE YOU GO, HEAR ME OUT! I CAN EXPLAIN THIS MESS!!!

Let's start from the not necessary beginning..

Act One: Dipcifica in College

Everything started back in college. Manson had to go to the cheeper college and Mabel was chicked out of the house, after (accidentally) destroying his project.

Manson and Pacifica both are student at the university and go on the most lecture, so they eventually become very good friends.

How did she end up there and why she is cheap college, despite having money?

Pacifica still is the rich girl and belongs to the Northwest family, but she wanted to become more than that.

Pacifica is very passionate and inteligent person, who wants to become her own person and not just another Noble title. She wanted to find herself nad feel the freedom of choice.

So despite her family's protest, she went to the university to improve herself and get a higher education. Meanwhile her Noble family members were pretty dissapionted, since they wanted her only to focus on family business, good look, savoir vivre and ect..

Anyway, her family thought of this as a 'phase'. So they let her go to the college, but only if she did for the minimum of the money. [They thought that this condition would discourage her, but in the end they were wrong]

But seeing her so determined in the end they gave her a chance to prove herself. (Only until she was even able to convince tham that completing her studies would give them also a profit)

So finally they made a deal. They would give Pacifica the bare minimum of the money for the cheapest studies and after completing it she would double the price. If she manages to do that, she would freely be able to do what she wanted, no pressure or expecteation from the family.

So, Manson and Pacifica met in the college and they both find the other one interesting. They were spending most of the time with each other, until their feelings bloosomed into a crush.

Both of them were often studing together and Manson by being himself (so an akward teen nerd around women) was found cute by Pacifica.

He had this nerdy charm and she though it was adorable. Even though at first it was weird for her that Pines was so clumsy and nervous around women. But it the end the man quickly could become himself once again, as soon as started talking about lectures and math projects ect..

Soon Manson felt comfortable around Pacifica and didn't feel so nervous, when they were asighed to do a project together. Being in his element and chilled out.

Beside the first 'nerd charm' Pacifica started also admiring Manson for being so passionated about paranormal suff and determinated to do his best (study aren't easy, you know?).

Meanwhile Manson was pretty impressed by Pacifica. The fact that she could stand up for herself and be her own person.

So basically their relatioship went from:

Manson being nervous around women -> Hey, we actually have something in common -> Best buddies, who support each other -> I admire them -> I think I like them

In the second semester on their studies, both started really crushing on each other. Neither of them said anything but the signals were obvious for anyone to notice.

They prepared lunch for other one, studies together (Pacifica reminded Manson not to eat his pen during lectures), Make notes for another one, sometimes unintentionally they would hold hands and from time to time obviously blush around each other.

They were pretty much in love. The type:

Fall first(Manson) + Fall even harder(Pacifica)

So what happend?

During their studies they didn't date? BUT WHY YOU ASK?

Both wanted to focus first on their studies, both for diffrent reasons and motivations.

Pacifica wanted to focus first on studies, because she saw this as an opportunity to become something more than just a 'pretty face'. She wanted to show her family that she could achive something WITHOUT their money, she wanted to impress them by being HERSELF. She saw her studies as a chance and she COULDN'T FAIL. That was her first goal. She needed to be sure, that she'll pass.

Meanwhile Manson saw those studies as something he had to work harder for. After his sister destroyed his only chance for better collage, he tried to focus on studies. He felt like he needed to work harder than ever. He was scared of failing. (he also used studies as a copy mechaninsm, since he had a hard time being in separation with his sister, but he wouldn't admit it)

Manson was basically a workholic and Pacifica thought that they could work something with their relationship together after their graduation.

BUT AS WE KNOW.. LIFE IS MESSY..

Everything was working out well.. They relationship grew stronger and greats were better each year. They were basically unstoppable!!!

Until one day..

Everything was going well, until one day the Northwest family decided did not keep their word and break their deal.

One day a better 'opportunity' came to them. An arrange marriage for Pacifica between two nobel famielies to increase their wealth. The Northwest family didn't waist any second and without Pacifical's knowlage they immiediatelly come to the agreement.

Later (to be exact when she was about to enter her last year of studies) she found out about this whole plan.

Obviously she rapidly confronted her family, demanding explanations, she was ready to fight for her life. But she had to face the brutal reality and the fact that she had no control.

She demanted justice.

Instead Northwests only said that they took her funds for college and if she wouldn't agree to their conditions then she will be cut off from the will and the whole family. Moreover due to her family influence around the world, they wouldn't let go of her easily.

Basically she was helpless.

And like that her whole world went crushing..

In the end (sadly) Pacifica had to let go of finishing her education and went back to her family, where she married the partner introduced to her by her grandparents.

Manson and Pacifica after that lost contact for a long time for a few reasons:

Firstly, because Pacifica didn't have any time due to the preparation between to families. Secondly, her family made it hard, since they didn't want her to think about the "past live" (the college). Lastly, it hurt both of them equally to watch and do nothing in this situation. Even though they had feelings for each other they never talked out loud about their relationship.

After Pacifica came back to the Gravity Falls Manson heartbroken stayed and finished his studies. During this time Manson became even more isolated from other people than even and focused all of his energy for learning (unhealthy coping mechanism)

Manson was a little lonelier, but he did it.

Act Two: Oracle & Manson

After getting his Ph's Manson decides to use the money to do reaserches. He decided to fullfill his dream from childhood (now alone) about exploring the unknow and anomialies.

At least now he can fullfill the part of that dream-

After making some reaserch he noticed that the highest percentage of anomalies occurs in Gravity Falls. Manson was surprised that it turned out to be the place, where Pacifica lives.

As Manson moves out there he doesn't try to contact Pacifica, since a lot of time has already passed and he knew that now she was married and had her own life.

So Manson build chack near the forest and didn't waist any time for the reaserch.

He took big pleasure in exploring the forest, while capturing and taking notes of each anomally.

Everything was going well, until one day he as Manson was exploring a cave, he run into a painting of a divine figure on his way. There was a message written under with a warning, which he decided to ignore.

As a young man full of passion for adventures and lack of experience, he ignored it and read the rest out loud.

At first nothing unusual happened, until he went to sleep.

Then he met her.

Oracle.

Since that moment everything seemed diffrent for Manson.

"Who are you? What are you?" Manson asked confused, as the surroundings around them was changing.

The gigant being of a woman looked at him, with seven big and curious eyes of hers, only focused on him.

The creature was so big, that Manson was sure, that he could easily stay up on one of her hands.

Suddenly a big smile appeared on her face and the being creature has shrunk. It's true that the woman was still taller than him, but at least in human size.

"My name is Oracle, Manson." The being named Oracle presented herself, with a genlet but elegant smile. "But you call me a Muse."

And since that everything has changed both for of them.

Oracle was a genius, an elegant, intelligent and charming woman, with whom Manson didn't feel like an outcast. She was everything beyond a perfection. Devine.

Each chees play or small talk with him seemed, as if it was planned with special details, without leaving anything out. A woman full of passion and plans for big world or even universe. It was fascinating.

Manson though that his Muse was basically a godness.

We could say, this man was head over heels for this woman..

While Oracle pretty much enjoyed this fact and attention (and maybe a little too much)

***

"You did it again." Oracle said with a pleased. "Outstanding." She added as she send him a geniuen smile.

Seeing this Manson, couldn't help himself, but turn his head away from the bigger form of his Muse. He smiled akwardly in light embarassment, as he started scratching his neck in nervousness.

"Obviously, I wouldn't be able do it without You." The man said, finally looking meeting her much bigger eyes.

For a moment Oracle didn't say anything, but soon Manson felt as gravity stoped working again and he started floating, against his will, until he faced her directly.

"Oh, don't be like this." She started, looking at him carefully. "Give yourself some credit." Oracle smiled widely, as she gently ran her finger through his hair.

He smiled once more.

***

They were playing chess, Manson silently considered his next move. Playing any game with Oracle seemed like both an entertainment and exercise for his brain.

It was never easly and he loved it.

Finally, after some time of figuring out, Manson leaned over the board and moved the pawn.

"The big dipper?" To his surprise, Oracle asked instead of making another confident move of her on the board.

The man confused, rapidly looked at his opponent, just to see, how she was observing his birth mark on forehead. Just then the realisation hit Pines and without thinking, he started straighten his bangs to cover it.

"Oh, my birth mark..?" He asked nervously, feeling bad memories of bulling for it were immiediatelly comming back to him. "Don't you already know about it?" He asked stupidly, since he was aware, that Oracle's eyes could see anything.

"Yes." She answered calmly, now focused on the board, taking her next move. "But that's not what took my attention." She adtmited calmly.

"No..?" Manson asked surprised.

Then unexpectedly the woman leaned over the board and gently grabbed his face with her hands.

The man blushed.

"The question is why do you decide to hide it.." After his Muse said that, she then gently fixed his hair that so his mark would be visible. "Now that's better." She smiled and took her hands away.

"You think so?" Manson asked unsurely.

"I know it." She said and created a mirror out of nowhere.

Then she showed him his reflection. Firstly Manson though it was weird to look at himself and see his mark not being hidden by the fringe.

But he couldn't say that he looked bad.

"I love starts and their constellations." The woman admited. "Besides it looks good on you, don't you think Dipper?"

That was the first time, when she used his new 'nickname'.

***

It was an outstanding night.

His Muse offered them a night with a drink to celebrate the improvement of their project. The main argument was that Manson couldn't actually get drunk in the dream space, so there would be non effect on him when he wakes up.

It started inconectly, only few drinks at first..

Later, the fact that there was no limit began to be abused and more drinks landed on the table. With each glass he drank, Manson seemed to get more and more relaxed, while Oracle seemed to warm up even more.

But surely, neither of them predicted that this would turn into a drunk karaoke night.

Manson and Oracle were dancing energetically together. Both half drunk, each holding another glass of shot, while singing to Icelandic pop song.

He was leading the dance for now, as they would take turns.

"Spinning around- like a disco ball~" Dipper sung, as spun his dance partner around, while spilling some alcohol from their glasses.

"Who's the honey, who's got it all?~" The woman leaned to him and continued the next part with a wide smile on her face.

"Disco girl!" They yelled togehter, finally letting go of their glasses. "Commin' throughh~!" They made another spin togehter.

"That girl is you!" He shouted loudly, with a laugh.

When was the last time he sung this song out loud? He couldn't even remember- He was so happy.

He looked at his Muse and just as took closer their joined hands together, he kissed her slightly on her hand.

The music suddenly stoped.

Oracle was looking at him lightly confused.

What the hell did he do..?! Just then the man realised.

Meanwhile the woman in front of him only stood silently patiently wating for his explanation, as he started to panic even more, because what the hell did he just do-?!

Without him noticing Oracle only rolled her eyes at his reaction. Then the godness took his face in her hands and unexpecetedly kissed him on the cheek.

Then one thing let to the other.. He couldn't even remember some things after he woke up.

***

To sum up, they relationship was pretty much complicated, but reciprocated. Manson was very much in love with Oracle, while she didn't seem at first..

Let's just say at first she thought of Dipper as a loyal being. Nothing more..

She loved the attention he gave her and devinitelly the complimates, but later she wasn't even aware that she found this akward man was pretty charming.

At first Oracle tried not to question her grown attachment to Manson, or even tried to avoid it. Sometimes when it was clearly visible even to her, then she tried to excuse it for the sake of an act.

But finally only realised that she actually loved him after she lost him.

Act Three: Lab Partner + Oracle's betrayal

In the end Manson decides to call Pacifica for help with the portal. He wanted to at least try.. since she lived there.

Pacifica on the other hand was already married to the man her family once introduced her to.

They've been married for a couple years, and even had a son togehter (Preston Nothwest). Though neither of them ever had any feelings for each other.

It was only arranged mariage, only made for the family business.

Still Pacifica and her husband treat each other with civil and respect. Mostly focusing on rising their son well.

Basically Pacifica isn't living her dream life. She was forced to let go of most of her dreams and hopes in order to fullfill her duty as the Northwest. She was stuck in a loveless marriege and the only light of happiness was her son.

During this time she had lots of regrets.. and often though how life would have go if she made diffrent decisiouns in her life.

Maybe there could be other way, where she could finish her dream. Maybe her family were just bluffing? Maybe they wouldn't threaten her.

But those times were over. Pacifica was pretty aware that overthinking about her past choices wouldn't help her too much and probably only make her worse than ever.

Still the woman couldn't help, but think, what if..?

During this time, Pacifica also focused on raising her son. Preston 'was the apple of her eye'. She loved her son dearly and wanted what's the best for him.

So she wanted to educate him well and make a strong bond with him and it turned out quite well.

And everything goes like this, until one day, a cantrain phone rang. The service informed Ms. Northwest that someone with a name Pines wanted to contact her.

After hearing this Pacifica didn't overthink this and rapidly went to her phone and tried to call him back.

She didn't think too much about her actions and how it would affect her. Pacifica surprised even herself.

After going no contact with Manson, she wasn't even aware how desperate she was to actually get in touch with him once again.

So she called back.

The first seconds were pretty akward for both of them, since they hadn't talked in years. But soon they found the common ground together and started talking like long time friends.

They started catching up about the news from the both of sides and Pacifica finally asked him:

"So.. I've heard you're doing some research in Gravity Falls.." The blonde started curiously with a smile on her face. "How's it going?" She finally asked.

"About that.." Manson started.

Pacifica could hear that the man clearly was thinking of how to explain his news to her. The Northwest could even feel that her old friend was probably scrathing his neck at this very moment.

"I'm very close in finishing something big! Like really big Pacifica!" Manson said clearly excited for this big event in his life.

The woman couldn't help herself, but feel a little jealous of how diffrent their life plans were doing.. Manson fillfulling his dreams and moving on, while she was stuck in this manssion. Just as always it was planned.

"This is going to change everyone's life!" The man announced happily and Pacifica smiled.

At least for one of them life was going well.

"And that's why I'm actually calling you." The man suddenly admited, while taking her aback. "Would you like to be a part of this project?" Manson asked and she froze- "With your knowlage and-" Manson kept talking, but she couldn't listen.

She wasn't able to.

So there was still a slight chance for a change.

Maybe to do something usefull.

To be more.

"I know he hadn't talk in years, but if you could just consider-" Manson continued, but she didn't let him finish.

"Yes." The blonde replied withour hesitation.

"Wait- really?! I mean-" The man on the other side of the phone seemed confused by her quick answer.

After that conversation Pacifica quickly prepared her new schedule, so it wouldn't discurb her diuties as a Northwest and immiediatelly got to work.

Since Manson's whole project was pretty much a secret, she let it be a secret just between the two of them.

She once decided to trust Northwest and it didn't end up well. So she decided not to do this mistake once again.

Once she and Manson met again, she couldn't help herself but greet him with a hug. It was so long since she was with a 'normal' or 'unofficial' enviroment.

She went to his shack and Manson started explaining the whole project, while Pacifica couldn't deny that she was impressed by the whole idea and details.

Although the entire project will definitely take a lot of time, the effects will be worth it.

Manson was not idle during this whole time. That fact only motivated Pacifica to do more.

So without thinking they both quickly got to work!

Everything seemed well at first.

The whole work was time consuming, but with their company, they could do anything.

Pacifica even offered some financial support the project. Manson obviously denied, since it wasn't in his style to just take money. The blonde had a hard time to convince the other man to just take the money, so they could speed up their work.

They had a great time together. From time to time fun, other times they would disguss other project and reminisce about old times.

In this time, while spending so much time with Manson Pacifica found herself falling for the man, she was once crushing in the college.

It was clearly stupid, unprofessial and especially unethical.

She had a spouse.

It was more of an arrangment than a marrige, but she still had a spouse and a son.

By agreeing to join this project, she hadn't expected that feelings of youthful love would suddenly return.

In the end Pacifica didn't do anything about it. Because what was there to do about it? The woman could only enjoy the company of the man she once fell in love and that was all.

But still deep down, the blonde hoped that she wasn't the only one who was still in love. That thought, that hope was blooming in the deepest corners of her mind..

But the reality wouldn't allow her to live a 'dream'.

The obvious behaviour of her lab partner was telling enough.

You used to smile at my sight and you still do. You still do nice gestures and still geniuently are happy at my sight. But this isn't the same. And I feel like your the smile, The one you once gave me is now saved for someone else. And I jusr feel humiliated..

He has already moved on.

As time was passing by, Pacifica started to spend less time at home. Much Less. Sometimes her husband would bring up the subject of her absence, but unnecessary dwell on this.

But her son experenced the saparation way worse. Often clinging to her, when she came back and pleading her to stay, when she was about to go.

Pacifica would then tell him that she came closer to making something great. Something that her son would be proud of her for. She would often tell him a storytime for bed and then say: "As soon as I finish.. then we can spend as much time as you want. Just you and me." The blone would then smile and lightly flick his nose, just for him to chuckle.

Pacifica wanted to still keep going with the project, but she quickly noticed their lifestyle started being unhealthy, especially Manson.

Pacifica was spedning less time with her family and barely had any time for herself, during this work. Meanwhile Manson was keeping isolating himself from the while humanity.

"When was the last time you when outside?" The Northwest asked clearly worried.

"I-" The brunet wanted to answer, but stopped realising he couldn't remember. "You know I don't need to-"

"That was not what I was asking about." Pacifica said adamantly, as she crossed her arms.

"Pacifica- It's not-" The man started tiredly, as clearly wanted to avoid this conversation and simply come back to his calculations.

"Manson." She said firmly, earning his attention. "I'm being serious, this is unhealthy and sick! I'm worried about you."

"I.." Her lab partner seemed as he wasn't sure what to say.

"Let's take a break, ok?" She said calmly to which he slowly nodded.

Then the day of the test came

The day Pacifica fell into the portal.

The day her mind was B̶̡̡̡̢̰̥͕͍̲͓̯̏͒̀̄̎̽R̸̡̛̪̘̪͉̯͚̯̝̱̲̮͗̿̓̈́̍͋̆̅̌͑̋͊̈́͝O̷̹̐̾̀͌̀̓͌̃̄̈́͌̑̓̈́̓͑͘K̶̢̨̞̠̟͍͓̫̰̰̱͎̲̗̤̒͐́̕͜͠Ę̷̢̯̣̮͇̟̱͕̺̦͉̻͖͍̒͛͆͋̏͌̂̐̿̒ͅN̷̢̺̩̥͖̠̭͔̟̎̃

And the true finally came to the light.

Betrayal.

Act Four: The Nightmare

Everything felt as if he was taken fresh out of water. Slightly dizzy and disoriented about his surrounding. But after seeing the familiar place, the man quicky calmed down.

He must have fallen asleep, during his break, which was slightly odd, since he didn't recall taking one.

As if something was missing..

But soon a familiar face shoved up, easly distracting his mind from any worries.

"My Muse!" Manson said excited after noticing her presence in the void and rapidly ran to the figure.

"Dipper." She announced and smiled to him kindly, softer that usually, which only melted his heart more.

Manson smiled widely at her sight, as he finally faced the taller woman.

"I haven't seen you in a while my Muse, where have you been?" The man asked both curiously and worried, since he knew that Oracle, wouldn't miss any oportunity for improvement in their work.

"Oh, nothing to worry about." Oracle said calmly to assure him. "I just had to take care of a small trifle." She admited with a chuckle. "Althought I need to say, that I didn't come here without a reason.."

"What is it then?" He asked immiediately.

"I just want to ask you one little question." His leaned closer to him.

"Tell me.." She started placing her hand on his cheek.

Her fingertips gently began to stroke his cheek in a gesture.

"Did you miss me?" Oracle asked sweetly, her eyes never loosing his sight.

Manson was honestly taken aback by the question.

"Always." He looked her into eyes and said confidently, while placing his hand on hers and squizing it back.

"Good." Then as if in a split of a second, Oracle snapped her fingers and 'spell was broken', while his world went crushing-

In the split of a second the rest of his missing memories came back with an impact-

The real reason behind portal- Pacifica , The betrayal, his objection, attempt to dismantle the portal, EVERYTHING-

Everything came back with disdain, a sickening feeling in his stomach, and a pain that surprisingly wasn't caused by his bleeding eye..

"It's nice to remember.." The demon in front of him said unbothered, still not letting go of his cheek. "Especially the good things, don't you think?" She smiled inconnectly.

Then she gently wiped away his flowing blood with her hand.

"You.." Manson started angrily.

"Appreciate it, as it lastet Dipper." Oracle said sweetly, with a smug.

Just a second ago he was pralised, and once he regained the sensation in his body again, he rapidly broke away from her embrace, keeping an appropriate distance between them

The vision in his right eye seemed to become even more blury and the pain seemed more real, until eyelid finally dropped.

It still bleeded..

"I told you not to underestimate me Manson." The demon across from him said coldly.

It seemed as if anger was building inside her, even though outside she seemed to be stoic.

"We made a deal." The demon continued her speach. "You can't simply get back from it." She said with a maniac smile from eye to eye. "You have no rights and you are My property."

"UNDER MY DEAD BODY I'LL LET ANYONE FINISH THIS PORTAL!" Manson yelled at the monster, completly ignoring his pain.

Right now only anger was speaking through him.

She was making a fool of him again, playing with his mind.. He had enough of this.

For a moment Oracle was quiet, looking at him in silence. But Pines knew that it

"I see that you still don't understand your position." The woman said emotionaless, as the whole place became darker. "Death is the least I could do to you."

Then Pines felt as he was attacked by the invisible threat. Both his hands and legs were rapidly pulled by some sort of ropes.

Before the human could even react, he soon realised that he was trapped in a gigant spider web, just like some stupid fly.

Meanwhile the demon lady simply sat on the net right next to him, as if trying to humiliate him.

"Your mind is like a spider web to me, where each thread is a memory." Oracle said as she playfully pulled on one of the threads. "Every thread I can cut, replace or even simply destroy the whole web."

She turned her head towards him and smiled and after that she grabbed his Chin, so he wouldn't avoid the eye contact.

"Face it Dipper, you are in no control here." Oracle announced calmly.

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" He yelled at the top of his lungs and jerked his head away as far as possible, until he couldn't feel her fingers anymore on his face.

He was tired of all the lies and manipulation. Being treathed like some stupid pet and being mocked.

"What should I call you then?" On the other side Oracle still seemed surprisingly calm, as if it didn't bother her at all.

"Use my name." He said disgusted. "Use my fricking name!" The man yelled in irritation at her stupid question.

"What is your name?" The demon asked him calmly.

"I'm-!" He was about to shout at her once more, but them nothing came out of it.

B̶̮̣͚̜̑l̷̛̟̩̀͜á̷̢͕̠̺͂̎̄n̸̠͋k̷̻͖̜̎.̸̙̰͙͔̂͐̓.

It was blank̸̠̈́.̶͖͘

H̸̉ͅě̸͓ ̶̻̉c̶͝ͅö̴͔ų̵̈́ĺ̶͚d̴̺̈́n̶͎̈'̵̗̓ț̵̒ ̸̤̏r̴̩͠e̴̻̿m̴̎͜e̴̟͒m̴̛̱b̴͖̀e̸͈͘r̸̨̂ ̵̛̹h̵̨̐i̷̟͝ṡ̸̺ ̸̗̔n̵͙̅ä̶̲m̴̦̓e̷̤̍.̷̌

"Oh? What's wrong Dipper?" She asked once more. "Do you feel like something is missing?" Oracle asked and a loud lunatic laugh came out of her.

But he didn't listen.

He tried to find his answer, but as much as he wanted, he couldn't remember his own name.

It was terrifing-

"Do you finally understand?" The woman asked more seriously. "I have every access to You. Every part of your body, every memory-"

Everything.

"Tell me, do you have any siblings?" The beast unexpectedly asked.

I have a sister.. He thought.

"Just one, two? Maybe there were always three of you or you have always been an only child this whole time??" The demon questioned him even more.

I have-

He didn't kn̷̝̼̐̽ó̷͔w̶̻̓.̷̘̺̎̊

He couldn't remember-

"I can break each bone in your body while you sleep, erase memories or put fake ones. I know every corner of your mind and each person you once cared for.. Or even erase your mind until there's nothing left of it."

The web suddenly broke and Dipper hit the ground hard.

Once he got up he couldn't see her anymore. The man immediately started looking around for her sight, but there was nothing beside the cold darkness.

"I can see your every more." Suddenly a whisper behind his back told him and chills ran through him.

The man rapidly turned towards the sound, but there was nothing there.

"My eyes are always on you." The voice quickly added.

Then out of nowhere, Dipper felt pain shooting through his entire body. As he looked down at his hands, he saw eyes appear all over his body. Her eyes.

No-

N̵̰̣̽̇̍̏̔̈́̄̌̇̇̉͊͝o̵̖̝̫̺͊̂̃̎͒Ṅ̸̠̞͍͓̣͙̼͈̟͍̱̅̔O̵̡͖̤̩̝̗̠̱̠͚͑̿͛̕͝N̵̛̛͈̬̮͈̯̭̞̔̄͒̀́̓̏̽̀̈́Ỏ̵̡̮̮̲̖͝N̷̡̞̰̥̥̮͚̂ͅỎ̸̢̡̟͎̝̙̳͔̤̼͈͇̮̀͆̉͛͋͑-̴͚̲̣̞̩̠͚̣̳̂͗̔͂

In panic, the man tried to get rid of them. He tried to wipe them off and scratch them until blood appeared on his hands, but it didn't help.

Nothing he did helped.

He couldn't get rid of them-

Then a gigant figure appeared in front of him.

"You dared to challenge me?" She said with a smirk on her face, as if it was some sort of a joke. "I'm going to eat you alive Dipper."

The monster said with a mocking tone, as she was looking at him down. Oracle then reached her hand and quickly grabbed his him.

She took him and all he could see was her gigant face and big piercing eyes.

"I can become your worst nightmare and we both don't want it, do we?" She asked rhetorically. "So be a good boy and finish the Portal. NOW." Then she opened her mouth and swallowed him whole-

Manson rapidly woke up on the floor.

His heart was beating like crazy. Cold sweat ran down his body and his hands were shaking. The man tried to catch his breath, as if there was not enough oxygen in the room.

What..

Suddnely as he looked on the floor, he could notice a few drops of blood.

His right eye was bleeding.

Act Five: Mabel & Pacifica

After that icident Manson send a postcard to Mabel to ask for help.

Unfortunatelly this visit didn't go well and by the end Manson was accidentally trapped in the portal for the next 30 years.

Mabel was devastated that just after ten years of separation she lost her brother again. During the first weeks Mabel tried at all cost to repair the portal, but couldn't do much without the other two journals.

When the food run out and Mabel was forced to go to the town for food.

In one of the shops the town folks thought that Mabel was the secret scientist in the woods. She was obviously surprised, but went along with it, because she needed money.

(Turns out during the time when Oracle possessed Manson's body, she not only went to bars to parties. She also liked to dress up... Like as she liked. So dresses, make up, earrings and other accessories. To sum up, very feminine. Due to this 'phenomen' lots of towns people assumed that the Mad scientist in the woods must be either a crossdresser or trans. So covering up for her brother was way easrier for Mabel.)

Later Mabel opened up the Mystery Shack in order to earn the money for living and for reparation on the portal.

During this whole Mabel tried to fix the portal and look for the journals. (There was even a short periot of time when she was dating a merman, when she was looking for the books near the water, but they soon broke up).

In the meantime Pacifica wasn't doing great..

Pacifica Northwest started getting into paranoia after seeing the things from the portal. After her argue with Manson and calling him delusional, she rapidly wnet with a Bang.

"Forget" - Forget about Manson, Forget about project, Forget you could change anything-

Forget about this and come back to the mansion.

Come back to being Northwest.

As she arrived at home all of the mmeories and creatures that she saw were hounthing her-

"Forget" - Forget what you saw, Forget those creatures, Forget, Forget, FORGET

Just Forget

Pacifica wasn't able to forget about all of those thinks. It was giving her nightmares. It was eating her alive.

She couldn't sleep peacefully. She couldn't work as she used to. She couldn't stop shaking.

"It would have been easier, if I just forgot about this project." Pacifica once thought and then she got the idea.

One night she couldn't sleep so bad that she just stood up from the bed and went to the basement and started working.. Working on one of her projects, that she started during portal with manson.

Memory Gun.

She just needed to finish last touches- And she would be free could try it.

After first attempt, everything seemed to be fine. She couldn't remember the nightmare and was so relived. She was free.

Her invention worked.

But over time Pacifica started getting addicted to the gadget..

Every time she reminded herself of the project - Gun.

Every scary creature from Gravity Falls - Gun.

When she reminded herself of how much the waste time she wasted - Gun.

Reminded of the fact that she has never finished her studies - Gun.

When she thought she achieved nothing in her life - Gun.

Every time she felt miserable - Gun.

Every little mistake she has made on gala - Gun.

When she forgot which spoon was for the salad and which was for the dessert - Gun.

Every time she forgot her husbands name - Gun.

When she forgot her son's birthday- Gun. GUN GUN GUN GUN!

At the end Pacifica was so affected by the memory gun, that she became extreme paranoid and forgetfull.

Everyone in the mension started to suspect that something was wrong with miss Northwest, but nobody said anything or do anything. They just watched as the lady was slowly falling in the pit of Madness.

Everyone was only complaining about her forgetfullness or giving her side eye, if for example missprounoncing her hursand's name.

Nobody did anything to help her.

But everything was ruined, when Pacifica forgot her son's birthday. She and her husband started arguing pretty bad, mostly him yealling at her for being such a bad mother and wife.

"The hell is wrong with you Pacifica?!" "How could you forgot his birthday!?" "What kind of mother you are!?" "What are you doing!?!"

Meanwhile Preston terrified watched it closely, feeling half guilty that he asked his mother for birthday present.. and scary how much over time his mother has changed.

At the same time Pacifica had a mentall breakdown for forgetting about her own son, so she wasn't even able to defend herself and just let her husband yell at her, as she started crying.

After that day the Northwest family decided that Pacifica was mentally unstable and called the psychiatrists to take her away. (Her son was forced to watch as his mother was taked to the mental hospital.)

The Northwests after seeing Pacifica's break down, they thought that she was mentally ill and didn't want to do anything with her anymore. They basically erased her existance from the family three and other medias.

Pacifica's husband made a divorce under certain conditions and took full custody of their son. [Preston has both mommy & daddy issues and if full of Trauma especially after this incident.]

Pacifica spend few years in the mental hospital, where doctors had troubles in diagnosing her. However, she was released under certain condition, where she was forced to sign papers renouncing any relationship to the Northwest family and the estatectros.

So she end up at the streets/garbage dump and became the "crazy old woman Pacifica".

So Mabel and Pacifica were mostly going with their lives not knowing about the others presence for few years UNTIL they finally met (and of course by accident).

One day while taking the trash out Mabel found Pacifica in her trash can. She was clearly sueprised, by seeing a homeless woman in a trash, but Mabel being a good person she is, took Pacifica in.

Mabel invited her, gave her food and washed her a little bit, so she wouldn't be a mess. Pacifica already was a little bit crazy going with her mental state, but Mabel wasn't too bothered by this.

Pacifica was obviously happy by her 'generousness', but in the end the blonde still was talking nonsene.

Mabel was nice ang gentel person, who didn't seem to mind her appreance or at least chase her away, so Pacifica feel much comforbale around her.

Moreover the blonde felt much safer around her, since Mabel reminded her of something-someone-

After that night, Pacifica started comming to Mabel often. From time to time the homeless woman would drop by near Mabel's garbage. The blonde would try to steal something from trash and Mabel would istead invite her home for pie.

As time went on, it became a ritual between them.

Pacifica is near the trash and Mabel invites her over.

At some point Pacifica would stop looking through trash and just stay by it and waiting for Mabel. In the meantime Mabel would teach Pacifica baking. The blonde would arrive so often, when Mabel was baking that she became even curious.

With each visit Pacifica would start to look better. Cleaner, healthier and more sane.

Mabel was fixing Pacifica's hair with a hairbrush, as the woman was eating some of her food.

"You know? For someone who lives with raccoons, you're very pretty.." Mabel said with a gentel smile. "Just like a supermodel." She added with a chuckle.

"Really?" The blonde suddenly glanced at her.

"Yeah girl, you just a little bit of makeover, perfumes and clothes and you'll be like a duchess!" The brunette said with excitement and run for some things.

Mabel couldn't help herself, but do a makeover on this girl. The last time she did something like this it was on.. Manson. When they were still kids and stole some of their mom's cosmetics..

At the memories the brunette had to smile harder, so Pacifica wouldn't notice how depressed she looked after thinking over her past.

Mabel quickly came back and she had to admit, that she didn't need to work too hard. Pacifica was naturally beautifull woman. Good body shape, Pretty darker blond hair and with good posture the results were amazing.

At the end Mabel added a little make up, because why not??

And the result were actually amazing..

For few minutes Mabel couldn't look away from this masterpiece.

"You look amazing.." The brunette said accidentally out loud, but with a big smile.

"Really?" The blonde only asked confused.

"The prettiest girl in the world." At her question Mabel answered her trufully with the biggest smile on her face and immiediatelly gave her the mirror.

Once Pacifica looked at her reflection her pupils enlarged,

"HOLY-MOLLY-!" The blonde couldn't hide her suprise. "Just like a rat at the openings of the sewers.." The woman added quietly, still confused at how she looked.

"Pff what-?" Pines held back and chuckled lightly at her 'metaphor', which supposed to meant something possitive.

After that moment Pacifica started to get helpfull around the shack. The blonde started backing pies and fixing things for Mabel to her surprise.

Pacifica often felt like she had to be usefull in order to pay Mabel back in some way for her help. Other fact was that Pacifica also felt that if she won't be usefull for Mabel then at some point the brunette won't want her around.

Pacifica of course never said those words out loud, but at some moments Mabel was able to notice the signals (and some paranoia attacks) and reassured her that she will always be around.

Mabel was also very shocked at Pacifica's abilities. Pacifica wasn't some crazy woman, she was actually very intellingent, elegant (in her own way), smart and creative.

Pacifica was just very unstable mentally.

Pacifica was very special.

At some point both of the girls started falling for each other. Mabel was charmed by her talent, beauty and honest (but slightly crazy) personality. She felt needed around her. And Pacifica was in love in the fact how cute, creative, special and good Mabel was. She felt secure around her.

Mabifica basically looks here like:

Person A & B: *please fix me..*

Person A & B: *I want to help you, I wanna be usefull*

There were also some problems like Pacificas unknow past and lost of her memory, while Mabel was hiding her own secrets from everyone about her twin brother and the portal.

But they made it work.

At some point both of them were aware of their feelings.

Both of the women were sitting outside of the Mystery shack, looking at the stars outside. Mabel was sitting on the ground, while Pacifica was lying on her thights.

The brunette was lightly playing with the other woman's hair, while making some braids and adding to them little flowers.

"Beautifull night, isn't it?" Mabel suddenly asked, while adding another shiny thing into her hair.

"Yeah." Pacifica replied, clearly relaxed by her presence, still not moving even by an inch.

"What are you thinking about?" Thinking what going on inside this pretty head of her.

"Stars." She replied shortly, which was unusuall for her.

The blonde never gave her short answeres. A bit confusing? Sure. But never short.

Mabel guessed that the woman lying on the ground must have heavily thinking of something, or at least trying to. The brunette was about say something more, but Pacifica suddenly continued.

"I remember this one." The blonde then pointed at the sky.

Pines looked at the direction she pointed and rapidly felt worried.

"Constelation?" She asked unsurely.

"Yeah, The big dipper." Pacifica added. "I remember it from something.." She finished.

At that moment Mabel was overcome with sadness, thinking about his lost brother in the portal. Reminding herself about lonely nights in her cold car, where she used to look at the stars and each time she saw the big dipper, she thought about her brother.

Always the same.

"And there is the little dipper.." Suddenly the blonde added sadly, taking Mabel to the reality from her thoughts. "Do you think he is enough?" Pacifica asked.

The question was unexpected, but Mabel didn't need to think of the answer.

"For me you are enough." Then Mabel smiled slightly and leaned down and kissed her gently on the forehead.

Their eyes suddenly met and Mabel immiediatelly was falling apart mentally.

Did she really do it?! Was it too fast?! Did she read everything wrong??

Meanwhile the blonde rapidly stood up in front of her with half braced hair. She came to her closely, but her eyes were still.

"I'm sorry if I mis-" The blonde in front of her suddenly grabbed her and kissed her on mouth.

It may have lasted only a second, but it blew Mabel's mind anyway.

"And I love shooting stars." The blonde said as she broke away from her. A light a blush and smile on her, while she adjusted her headgear with the obvious symbol.

Mabel smilled dumbly and quickly both of them leaned closer to each other, as they kissed once again.

This time it was longer, full of passion. Pacifica was holding her hair with one hand and Mabel was about to capture her face, when they suddenly stoped.

"Oh my god!" The blonde abruptly broke away from her and screame. "What am I gonna tell my husband!?" Pacifica shouted

clutching her head in fear.

At her reaction Mabel chuckled once more.

"I don't think your Raccoon husband will mind at all.." She said with a smile, eyes full of love not once taking her eyes from Pacifica.

"Really?" The blonde asked seriously, still lightly in fear.

"Really.." The Pines said with a gentel smile and held her hand gently.

Pacifica squeezed her hand back.

+Bonus incorrect quotes (because I had ideas):

1.

Kid Mabel & Manson excited: PINES! PINES! PINES!

Manson: And when grow up, we will seal around the world!

Mabel: Treasures!

Manson:Anomalies and Monsters!!!

Mabel: And hot vampire boyfriend!

Manson: YE- What..?

2.

Pacifica: *came back home after she had to drop her studies*

Northwest Family: Oh, finally! We had enough of that your silly game of yours! Did you have fun? Did you get everything out of your sistem?

Pacifica: I-

Northwest Family: Good, good, welcome home Pacifica.

3.

Manson & Oracle: *drink alcohol in the mindspace*

[DRINKS LATER]

Manson: *Starts flirting to Oracle in the most clinge and cringe way possible*

Manson convidently thinking: *Nailed it!*

Oracle thinking: *Oh Axalot this was so bad- And surprisingly it worked..*

4.

Manson: So you will take care of my body?

Oracle: Of course, Dipper. Do not worry your overworked head of yours. *flicks him gently on the nose*

Oracle: I'm going to take care of your notes, while you rest.

Manson: Thank you. *smiles*

Oracle: You wouldn't mind, if I also went outside for a little bit? I was a while, since I was outside..

Manson geniuently happy: Of course! Enjoy as much as you want!

[...]

Oracle: *possesses Manson's body*

Oracle in Manson's Body: Oh that's nice! *chuckles*

Oracle in Manson's Body: *immiediately goes to the mirror and starts looking at themself*

Oracle in Manson's Body: Hmmm.. it's really nice.. Buuut I would change the clothes *smiles*

[FEW HOURS LATER]

Oracle in Manson's Body: *leaves the bar with a slightly torn dress, a dart stuck in theur shoulder and a tattoo "Flirty Gal💋" on the back*

[LATER]

Manson thinking: *Why did the mailman though I was a crossdresser?*

5.

Mabel goes to the kitchen: Pacifica are you-

Pacifica hold a piece of fresh backed pie: I made a pie for you.

Mabel: *is very touched by her gesture, since she hasn't got a gift in years*

Pacifica: *wanted to thank Mabel and bake a pie by herself, but is now nervous, if Mabel will be mad for using the kitchen without her knowlage*

Mabel: *puts a colorful sticker on her apron with the inscription: "YOU'RE AMAZING"*

Pacifica: *looks at Mabel confused*

Mabel: Sorry, it must be too silly for y-

Pacifica: *rapidly grabs Mabel's face*

Pacifica: I love it. Please never change.

Mabel is so much in love with her right now: ....

6.

Mabel surprised and confused: Did you just fix the vending machine?

Pacifica shrugs: N'thing too serious.. Just connect some cables and exchange-

Mabel excited: Damn girl! *goes and hugs Pacifica*

Mabel hugs: Amazing! You're a genius!

Pacifica: *starts blushing because of compliments and hug*

7.

[BEFORE: "BREAKUP"]

Oracle: Dipper.

Manson: My Muse.

[AFTER: "BREAKUP"]

Oracle: What's wrong Manson?

Manson: Oracle.

8.

Mabel: Finally I've got them all.

Mabel: *reads the journal number 3, which was mostly like a dairy to Manson*

Mabel: ...

Mabel: My brother was so bitchless that he had to summon a demon to get a gf..

9.

Oracle: Why did the old man do this? *makes a pose*

Manson: Um, This..??

Oracle: *turns Manson into golden statue*

Oracle: Because I need a nail file!

10.

Mabel: So how're doing DIPPER? *nudges him in the elbow*

Manson: Wha- What did you just called me!?

Mabel: HA! I KNEW IT! YOU FUCKED THE SPIDER DEMON!

Manson: Just because she had seven eyes, it doesn't mean she's a Spider.

Mabel: Don't change the subject DIPPER!

Manson: Don't call me that!

Mabel: And why DIPPER HMM?? You don't like the nickmane SHE gave you???

Manson: IT'S NOT LIKE THAT-!

ANYHOW- I'M HAPPY IF YOU SURVIVED TO THIS MOMENT!

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS IDEA!

If someone is interested in this idea, then I would be glad.. if you want more similar ideas, then be honest.

[coolfireguy73]

I love your art style so much! If it's not weird to say, I aspire for my art to be like yours someday :)

Two questions:

1. The way you add different element to your traditional drawings (Different paper, colours, or materials is amazing. I'd love to hear about that process if you're willing to share

2. For the cryptid AU, it seems like everyone kept some remnants of their weaponry/knowledge. You've talked abt Engie purposefully not using his buildings, so I'm curious about what might have happened to the Medigun/s

Thank you for indulging my curiosity, I hope your day is good :)

First off: sorry to reply so late !!!

I wanted to reply to your question properly and take my time to share my process, so I waited until I had time to do so.

Anyway:

First question

I've filled up a lot of sketch books over the years and on of the problems I had was the emptiness of the pages.

I used to draw very small and like... one drawing per page.

I always loved how scrapbook looked, but was never able to fully integrate it in my sketch books (I'm still working on it)

Until I saw what David Armsby sketch books looked like. I mean, they aren't really sketch books but they included drawings and they looked so good ! They made me realize I could totally do something like that !

I started really trying to implement scrapbooking things in my sketch books one or two years ago. And I really should have stared sooner.

So, how do I go about it.

1. Colored paper

Usually when I start a new page I just draw what I have in mind. Then I'll glue pieces of colored paper in some of the empty spaces to draw on top of. Like this page for exemple:

I first drew Old medic in the center, then glued the two red papers and drew on top of them. Doesn't really matter what drawing will go on top of which paper. The whole point of this is to make the page seem more full and busy.

There are two other ways I use colored paper. One, I draw directly on the colored paper, then glue it in my sketch book, or I cut it depending on the size of the drawings:

And two, I already know what I will draw and I want to use colored paper to add to it, for exemple those Medic faces:

Then, you can use all of those on the same page:

Note, you can use all kind of paper, all colors, texture, motif, etc... You can also glue colored paper on top of different colored paper, go nuts, I'd recommend looking at scrapbooks for inspiration. Or any core and aesthetics you like really.

Also, I haven't used then yet but I bought thoes:

These are just craft packs I found for cheap. They provide really cool paper I can use in the future. I also have a pack of normal colored paper.

2. Hate space

Try to fill the page as much as possible.

I've learned to hate every small inch of blank space on each page, if there is any I will try to find a small drawing to make or a doodle or glue more paper etc...

And if I don't find anything I'll come back to it later.

I'm still struggling with this part 😅 

3. Stickers and tape

Another thing that can help you fill your sketchbook are stickers and colored tape.

If you don't have any idea of what to put to fill a hole it's very easy to just stick a sticker there.

The tape, I use for places a piece of paper would be to big (I usually write the date on it)

All in all, Just put whatever you want. You can add glitter, glue seashells and flowers and leafs, or candy wrapper even, the choice is your's really.

You should be proud and happy about your sketch book. It's yours, have fun with it !

Second question

I'll be easier to replie to this one 😅 

Most of the weapons were left at the base, like Sasha and, yes, Medic's medigun.

But that's normal, Medic was sent to a mental hospital, I don't think they would let him bring his medigun. Same for Heavy, he just went to get back medic, he didn't really need Sasha.

Sniper and Demoman still have their weapons because they were already quite affected when they left and already acted somewhat aggressively so, naturally, they brought their weapons whit them.

Hope this answers your questions, and again, sorry to reply this late 😅